H.T. and Dolores

Meet H.T. and Dolores:

   H.T. is 88-years-old and his wife, Dolores, is. . . . a couple years younger.  Dolores is a real Southern lady.  Real ladies never tell their real age. Did I mention I just turned 33??

  These two come to the gym every day.  Ev-e-ry day.  They walk. They lift weights. They get on the bike.  H.T. often brings in poems that are humorous reminders for everyone to "eat right and keep it tight so you too can see the next days light".  Dolores asks us all how we are doing and compliments our accomplishments (no matter how small) like only a grandma can.

   While some of my fitness "heroes" are the models in the pages of Shape, H.T. and Dolores are a pair of real fitness heroes.  They are what fitness is really all about: Helping you lead a long and active life.

   Whenever I find myself without energy and tell myself  "I can't today", I try to think of H.T. and Dolores.  Odds are, they've either already worked out or are getting ready to work out.

   Workouts don't always have to be about lifting the most (Hear that Trainer X???) or running the fastest or the longest.  The most important thing is that you do it, a little bit every day so you can see quite a few "next days' lights"


P.S.  I think I'm going to write Shape magazine and ask them to make Betty White a cover model.  Just to remind their readers what it's really all about.

  

Mobile Post:
Just got on the tredmill. I did NOT do as well as I thought I would. Dang it.

To thine own self be true!!

Week 8 Summary
Trainer: Name Withheld (known as Trainer X for this entry)




  Week 8 turned out to be one of the most valuable lessons I've learned since I began this fitness journey. There is strength that is the opposite of weak, and there is strength that is the opposite of meek.  Week 8 tested the latter.

  Before meeting Trainer X, I was very excited.  X has a great reputation with his other clients and I was kind of giddy at the idea of being trained by him.

  After a quick introduction where X asked me my long term goals (skinny jeans, skinny jeans, skinny jeans) he placed some heavy barbells in my hands.  Usually, the first 5 repetitions of any exercise are tolerable, 6-10 are hard, 10-12 make me want to cry, 12-15 make me want lay down and die.  With X, repetition #2 was beyond painful.  It was at this point, I got scared.

  I pushed harder than I've ever pushed before and made it through 3 sets of THIRTY repetitions.  My arms felt like they were going to fall off.  I looked at the clock . . . .  seven minutes into session.  Twenty-three minutes left.  Crap.

  I like being pushed.  That, after all, is why I'm seeing the trainers in the first place.  BUT - there's a fine line between pushing someone to get them to work and pushing them to the point where someone could get hurt.  For me, this was quickly turning into an experience where I could get hurt.  Maybe something was getting lost in translation, but I had hoped my facial expressions and body language was enough to tell him, "Dude, I'm going to break in half!".  Apparently not.

  In my first session, I was the good soldier, and did every exercise that I was told to do.  My arms were on fire, tears were streaming down my face, I was lifting more weight that I had ever done.  I didn't think I could keep up the pace for three more sessions.    I didn't question, I didn't speak up.

  Session two, I completely chickened out.  I couldn't do it.  It was too emotionally exhausting.  Here I thought I had made all of this progress, but in this situation, I felt back to square one.  I felt like a loser, a failure.  My body would not allow me to do all of the exercises X wanted me to do.  The feeling of defeat was weighing heavy on me and I just couldn't bring myself to go to my session.  And so, for the very first time. . . . I canceled.

  On my day off I thought about what my problem was.  I had PLENTY of trainers who had pushed me to the limit, why was this so different? The best answer I can give you is this: It just was.  To be absolutely honest, I didn't really feel like my best interest/ fitness level was taken into consideration.  If the week was going to get better, I needed to speak up.  And here we have the problem!

I. Hate. Confrontation.

I totally chicken out.  Now, I am perfectly capable of getting my point across through letters and emails.  In fact, if you are ever on the receiving end of one of my "Strongly Worded Emails" . . .  look out!  It is like a letter version of a Claire Huxtable/ Julia Sugarbaker tongue lashing.  In letters, I can say exactly what I want in a tone that would have the reader think that I am a force to be reckoned with.  In person. . . . Not. so. much.  But if I was going to get the most out of my next session, I needed to speak up.

 The next day, I quickly had my chance to speak up.  Ten minutes into the session and X wants me to do an exercise that requires me to step up on a platform using only one leg.  Sounds do-able, right? I've done that exercise before with a few other trainers.  HOWEVER, X wanted me to step up on a platform that was so high, my knee was in my armpit.  After one try at it, I quickly realized that my knee was not going to hold up fourteen more times.

"I can't."  I had raised my white flag.  I hated saying it, but I knew I couldn't SHOULDN'T do that exercise for three whole sets of 15.  Not if I valued the cartilage in my knee.

"Yes you can! Go! Do it!" said X.

"No. I can't." Tears were streaming down my face. I WANT to be able to do everything that's thrown at me. I WANT to be this workout warrior with a body that could rival any Shape magazine fitness model. But, I can't ignore what my body tells me, and this time - it was telling me, "Nope.  Don't even try it, girlfriend" (my body has obviously  been watching too many episodes of Living Single)

I had to say "I can't" a few more times in that session and X told me that if I trained with him for SIX months, I'd be able to perform these seemingly impossible tasks with ease (Wait . . . were these sessions a hustle? Were they being made too hard on purpose? Was I getting hustled?)

I made it through the session but ONCE again.  My mind was swimming. WWCHS (What Would Claire Huxtable Say?)?? She would probably sternly (NOT RUDELY!!!! I DO NOT ADVOCATE BEING RUDE TO ANYONE WHO IS PROVIDING YOU WITH A SERVICE.  I WORKED IN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY FOR TOO LONG TO EVEN CONCEIVE OF DOING THAT) tell X that he needed to change the workout for something more appropriate for her.  I opened my mouth for something to come out . . .  nothin'.  Clearly I have a lot of work to do to combat my meekness. Wonder what sort of exercises I can do for that?

  For me, X's style didn't work well with my physical fitness level or personality.   I was reminded of a time when I lived in New York and went to this shi-shi salon that had pictures of celebrities lining the walls.  I handed the man $1000 (not a typo) and he in turn . . . . gave me the crappiest hair-do I've ever had in my lifetime.  Just because the celebrities were lining up to sit in his chair, doesn't mean that it was automatically the best thing for me.  This experience was the same.  Just because X had a ton of followers and fans, doesn't mean that he was automatically the best trainer for me.  But in both situations, I wonder what would have happened if I had been more direct - if I had been more assertive (No sir, I do not want bangs as short as my pinky nail!).  People aren't mind readers.  BUT, I also don't want such a  struggle to get what I want every time I go to the salon, gym, etc.  Different strokes for Different folks.

I have to listen to what my body is telling me.  I can't go by what's working for other people.  Remember: If you don't speak up for yourself, who will?

To thine own self be true -that Polonius guy from Hamlet.

I may not be up on my Shakespeare quotes,

 but I am DEFINITELY up on my Clueless quotes. 

If something doesn't feel right: ask if you can do something different.  If it still doesn't feel right, remember "No" is not a dirty word.

Having an experience like this, really made me appreciate the trainers that meshed with my personality all the more . . . .same thing with hairstylists. Shout out to Teresa in LA! Haa-aaay! (No more Living Single reruns for me!)

The Human Flag

Week 7 Trainer: John Chen
Location: North Ridge Rapid Fitness
Sessions: 4 (T/W/Th/F)




This is my trainer for week 7:

   No, this is not a picture of him standing, holding a bar that I posted sideways.  He is actually holding up his entire body up (despite my poor picture taking techniques, you can still see his feet aren't touching anything) in mid-air like a freaking HUMAN FLAG!!!! (And it's not Photoshop either! I can barely figure out how to POST pictures, let alone alter them) In person, it is very Matrix-y looking and is absolutely one of the coolest things I have ever seen.

  Unlike my sessions with other trainers, I gave John some direction with what I wanted to accomplish in our sessions: I want to do exercises that will help me do the human flag.  Just to kill the suspense right here and now I'll tell you . . . THIS POST DOES NOT END WITH ME ROCKING OUT THE HUMAN FLAG LIKE A NINJA!! Um, try leaning sideways and lifting ONE leg! Go ahead! I'll wait!  . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Hard, right? I'm not completely lacking in common sense.  Although, anyone who knew me as a 24-year-old, may argue that point with complete validation. I am perfectly aware that a feat like that was not just improbable but IMPOSSIBLE in four days. BUT (I'm mighty fond of the caps today for some reason), I wanted to do exercises that one would do IF one wanted to learn how to do the human flag.  Because it is ALLLLLL core! If your core is strong enough for that move, then you are a badass . . . . or Spiderman.

   My first session with John started with an exercise involving a medicine ball and a wall.  I quietly prayed to develop hand/ eye in a matter of seconds.  But I'm sure we can all guess what happened.  3....2....1.... Oh, my nose!! Yup, first rep of the first set and I bonked myself in the nose with a 6 lb medicine ball.  I may or may not have used this as an opportunity to: 1) Do a pretty solid impression of Marsha Brady 2) Get John to take it easy on me the rest of the session.  Um yeah, he's former Navy, so somehow my rubber ball to the nose did not evoke much sympathy (or appreciation for my Marsha Brady impression).

  Oh yeah, I should mention that in my first session he made me do 90 dead lifts!!!!!! NINETY!!! NOVENTA! QUATRE-VINGT NIX! NEUNZIG! I thought the "dead" in dead lifts was just for show.  Nope.  It's literally how you feel the next day.

  John's ab workout should be put on video.  I have NEVER seen an ab workout this hard in my life.  One of the exercises he had me do, I could only do 5 and the burn was so intense I had to stop for a breather.  I thought of the time when I read that (pre-shaved head, pre-K-Fed) Britney Spears did 500 sit-ups a day.  500 sit-ups seems like a walk in the park compared to 3 minutes of John's ab workout.  As much as I complained though (it's kind of my thing if you haven't noticed), I'm going to try to do parts of his ab workout every day.  I've wanted rock hard abs since I was 16.  I've gotten close but something (*cough* Dunkin Donuts *cough* *cough*) usually makes it go back to its Jello-y state.  I'm pretty sure if I do John's ab workout every day for the next four weeks, my abs are going to be very steel-like.  In fact, I may just turn into one of those morons who goes around asking people to punch them in the stomach.  And if you knew me at age 24 . . . . you might just want to.

  Like I said, I did not magically learn how to do the human flag in four days.  But I'll let Bruce Lee explain why I needed/wanted to focus on it:

 A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.

 - Bruce Lee

Ask me about the human flag in a couple months.  If I can do it, I think I've earned a salute. 

 

33 ways to spoil yourself for $20 or less aka ME GIFTS

Fun fact about my mom's house: There is an plethora (who says you don't use SAT words in real life!) of magazines to assist in my procrastination from doing pretty much anything. The other day I found myself thumbing through an old issue of Shape magazine with Lauren Conrad on the cover. If you don't know who Lauren Conrad is:

                            1. Like, ohmigod! Like, where have you been for, like, the past 4 years?
                            2. She is famous for acting singing um. . . .
                                being herself on camera on the now defunct reality show, The Hills

Anyways, Miss Conrad said that the when she needs motivation to go to the gym she simply goes out and buys a brand new workout wardrobe.**  Now, if I had a spare $500 - who are we kidding, a pair of pants at lululemon (www.lululemon.com) costs $100, so a new wardrobe would be more like $1000 - a  month to spend on cute workout pants and tank tops, I'd probably be skipping my happy butt to the gym too.  But not because I had new (overpriced) outfits, but because I had a spare $1000!  Unfortunately, I do not receive paychecks from:  reality shows, movie cameos, BOOK DEALS (Don't get me started on that one. The envy and contempt might build up and cut off my circulation), endorsement deals or clothing lines.  Thus, going out and reenacting the shopping scene from Pretty Woman (but in the Nike Store) is tragically, freakin' impossible.

  Reading this article happened to coincide with me accidentally weighing myself earlier in the day.  Now I say "accidentally" because it was not planned and if I hadn't literally tripped (How coordinated are you first thing in the morning?) over the scale, I wouldn't have weighed myself for a few more weeks.  But the scale was right there, so I weighed myself and LO AND BEHOLD - I've lost 10 lbs. so far!!!!!! I got to thinking about ways that I can keep myself motivated/ treat myself for a job well done within MY budget (not L.C's) ~ which is about $20: a $20 "Me Gift".  So, since I have NO LIFE these days, I took it upon myself to go to a few stores (TJ Maxx, Ross, World Market, Pier 1 Imports, etc) and write down some ideas for ways you can treat yourself for $20 or less that can either motivate you to go to the gym or symbolize some small accomplishment you've made by going.

 Oh yeah, I didn't want to include anything food related because I'm trying to get away from the idea of using food as a reward or punishment.  That's what got me in this predicament in the first place.  I've been using food in the same way a cutter uses a sharp object for far too long.  So you can put food on your $20 "ME GIFT" list, but it's staying off of mine.  I've come too far to revert to bad habits. 

So here's a few ideas for some $20 "Me Gifts". Go out and spoil yourself!

1. New workout pants ~ $12.99 ~ TJ Maxx
2. 15 new music downloads from iTunes ~ $19.35 (assuming you get the $1.29 download. What happened to the .99 downloads? Aren't you rich enough Steve Jobs????)
3. 1 Year subscription to magazine (Shape, Cosmo, Men's Health, etc)  ~ approx. $15.00 (O Magazine is $18 - but she can do that because she's Oprah)
4. Yoga Mat ~ $10.99 ~ TJ Maxx (fun designs and colors!)
5. Used copy of Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill ~ $7.50 ~  Amazon (if you have not read this book, BUY IT!!! It's about have a richer, fuller life. . . . not bank account!!)
6. Used copy of The Biggest Loser Cookbook: More than 125 Healthy Recipes Adapted from NBC's Hit Show ~ $5.00 ~ Amazon
7. Movie ticket ~ $11.00 +$ .30 banana + $2.67 edamame (so you aren't tempted with movie snacks) = $13.97
8. Used workout dvd (Examples: Bollywood Dance Workout, Pussycat Dolls Workout, Luscious: the Bellydance Workout) ~ approx. $7.99 - Amazon
9. Manicure AND pedicure  ~$18 (Impossible you say? Nope. Take advantage of the penny saver that comes in the mail.  I found THREE coupons for local nail salons that gave 20% - 30% discounts on mani/pedis)
10. 1 huge candle ~ $15 ~ Pier 1 Imports 
11. Mr. Bubbles ~ $4.65 ~ Walmart
12. decorative vases ~ $14.95 ~ Pier 1 (Instead of flowers, write a motivating quote on a piece of paper, put the paper on a stick and "plant" in vase.  You have a motivating bouquet!)
13. Leather Journal ~ $12.19 ~ Walmart
14. Fresh cut flowers ~ $15.00 (put those by your bed! Really puts me in a good mood to wake up to fresh flowers) ~ Farmers Market
15. Gym/ Beach bag ~$14.50 ~ Old Navy
16. Flip Flops ~ $5.00 ~ Old Navy (new shower shoes after your hard workout!)
17. Sports bra ~$15.00 ~ Old Navy
18. Reusable, Steel H2O bottle ~ $5.00 ~ Old Navy
19. Pajama pants ~ $14.50 ~ Old Navy (If your day isn't made a little bit better by some cute pajama pants. . . tisk, tisk)
20. Super cute scarves for any season ~ $9.99 ~ World Market
21. Toss pillows ~$9.99 ~ World Market (congratulate yourself for snazzing up your body by snazzing up your house)
22. Picture frame ~ $5.00 ~ Ross (save the picture for when you achieve your goal!)
23. This one is exclusively for Ms. Liz Custer - - - - TEAM EDWARD STEEL WATER BOTTLE ~ $4.99 ~ Ross
24. Four 12oz mugs ~ $5.99 ~ Ross
25. Used camera ~ $19.00 ~ Amazon (Yes! USED CAMERA for under $20!!!)
26. Timex Sports Digital watch ~ $14.99 ~ Target (and it wasn't ugly, it was water resistant, and something else - - - I tuned out when the guy was talking)
27. Kiss My Face Cleansing Mask ~ $9.94 ~ CVS (Make a spa day at home! Also, I'm not advocating Kiss My Face brand.  It just happened to be the one I saw for $9.94 so don't get mad at me if you try it and don't like it)
28. Personalized cosmetic bag ~ $15.95 ~ http://www.personalizationmall.com/
29. Personalized golf ball set ~ $18.35 ~ http://www.personalizationmall.com/ (thought I forgot about the men-folk, didn't you?)
30. Relaxation cd ~ $10.18 ~ Target (+ Mr. Bubbles and that is a great night if you ask me)
31. Dry Erase Board for the fridge ~ $8.50 ~ Office Depot (write down your goals, your progress, the date that Glee comes back on TV!)
32. GEL BIKE SEAT ~ $11.99 ~ Target
33. Polka-dot terry towel wrap ~ $16.99 ~ Target (get ready in the locker room without having to worry about your towel falling and maybe/ possibly screaming in embarrassment)

Whew!!!! Ok, that's 33.  Since I just turned the big 3-3 last week, I feel that's a good number to stop on. 

Just a few ideas to show you that you don't need an entire new wardrobe to congratulate yourself on trying something new OR to motivate yourself to do it. 

Oh yeah, If anyone's wondering if I would "keep it real"  with $20 Me Gifts if/when I hit it rich, the answer is . . . .HELL TO THE NO SUCKAS!!! Right after I moved on up to the East Side to a deluxe apartment in the sky, I would hop on a private jet just to have lunch some country where only rich people seem to be allowed to go (Ibiza, St. Tropaz perhaps?).  And after a few months weeks days hours, when I had forgotten my old, simpleton life (where I had to - what's that word again?? Bu. . . Bu . .oh yeah! BUDGET) I'm sure I will think it normal to buy a brand new workout wardrobe every time I needed motivation to go to the gym . . . just like Lauren Conrad.



** Now of course, I can't find the issue with Lauren Conrad on the cover. It must have fallen behind something after I threw it across the room after having to read about her 3 book publishing deal.  But I think it was the January 2008 issue

Break Week!

Week 6: Break week!


   Since I have spent so much time recapping my personal drama, I've neglected to tell you about what happened last week, fitness-wise.  After 5 trainers (Larry, Jenn, Bryan, Jeramie, and Fabian) I was in need of a break from training sessions.  I am MUCH stronger and healthier than I was just a month ago but my body was screaming for a "time out".

  I didn't want to take the week off and do absolutely nothing.  I read somewhere that it takes FIVE weeks to make a habit.  That means that I've literally just made working out a habit.  It just started feeling more awkward to stay AWAY from the gym than to go.  I don't want to lose all of the mental progress I've made.  So, I decided to take advantage of some of the classes that the gym had to offer.

  The first one I wanted to try was RPM (aka Spin/ Cycling class). For those who don't know what it is, RPM/Spin/Cycle classes are cardio classes at gyms across the world where people get on stationary bikes, pedal like they're being chased by the Boogy Man even though they are headed nowhere, and sweat from every pore in their entire body. For fun. I've avoided those types of classes for 10 years.  While all of my friends at the Equinox Gym in NY (shout out to the Rique Uresti kickboxing crew! Ha-ay!!) were spinning their butts off (literally), I watched from the sidelines.  My issues with bikes (to review: I hear the Wicked Witch of the West music every time I pedal on a bike) kept me from trying it.  But I'm determined to take cycling OFF of the NGH list (See: http://www.kz-getfitordietryin.blogspot.com/2010/07/ngh.html) and try something outside of my comfort zone. 


   Plus, the gym owner's wife (who looks like a red-headed Barbie, by the way), said that she lost most of her pregnancy weight (She's popped TWO babies out of that perfect body) within the first month of returning to gym by adding Spin Classes into her workout regimen.  SOLD! Sign me up! 


   Starting a new aerobics class feels like starting a new school in January.  While you are new, no one else is. Everyone else knows each other and they know what they're doing.  It's so easy to want to slip out of the door and flee for the comforts of your car.  But it's only awkward for about 5 minutes. If you're ever in a new aerobics class, I highly encourage you to raise your hand say "I'm new! Can you help me?".  Especially if the objects used in such aerobics class have the potential to really bruise your Southern lady parts, if you get my drift (damn you bike seat. Damn you!!!).


  In my first spin class the instructor, Heather, taught me how to line up my bike so that it's the right height for me.  When you first sit on it, it ain't comfy.  I'll tell you that much.  But I will admit, the feeling does go away.  But I'm still going to invest in a gel seat for my bike.  Now, I've done more than my share of step classes and kickboxing classes but THIS workout is unreal.  It's not complicated in movements (no 8-counts, no grapevines) but It. Is. Tough.  My entire body was sweating.  I realize I'm behind in the times with this workout trend, but if you haven't tried it. .  .. try it three times.  It will take two times for your crotch to stop screaming at you so the third time is when you will really start enjoying it.  Plus, you can burn 400-600 calories in an hour! So far, I've taken class with Chris and Heather, both awesome.  I don't know if all people who take RPM/ Spin are like the people who take the class at my gym but folks (FOLKS?? Wow, I'm really picking up this Southern lingo) were whoopin' and hollarin' and supporting each other! It was like a big party! So much fun, that I almost forgot about my bruised lady parts. . . . almost.


   I also took a "Body Flow" class. Body flow is a blend of yoga, tai chi and Pilates.  I love me some Pilates.  When I was more financially care-free, I took Pilates at Pilates Plus in Hollywood (check it out if you're in Hollywood: http://www.pilatesplushbv.com/index.html)  but I've never been a Yogi.  I just can't bring myself to rest my body and mind long enough to get through a class.  Luckily, the movement in this class is faster than a typical yoga class.  It combined "adult contemporary" music (you know, like the kind of music you hear at the dentist) and no one was asking me to "meditate with my third eye" (Dear Yoga instructors across America: It is impossible to relax with you telling me I need to visualize a third eye in my head.  I do not care if this is spiritual and not literal.  It is nasty.  Please adjust your sessions accordingly. Love, Kai).  It was yoga moves to some up-beat music (Read: NO ENYA IN THE WHOLE HOUR!).  THIS I could handle. Did I mention the class was taught by my boss?? At first I was skeptical to take a class by the person who signs my paycheck (If I didn't do well, would she take away my new raise??) but I'm very happy that I went. Thanks Renee. Ummm . . . . If I say it was awesome like 100 more times, ya think I can get another raise?

   My Yogi LA friends have often told me that stretching the body can release pockets of energy that release emotions and out of nowhere you find yourself laughing or crying.  I don't know what the medical community thinks about this but WOW did that happen to me.  One moment I'm leaning back stretching my core, the next minute I'm getting choked up and trying to wipe my tears before anyone could see. They saw. It was like the popping of a huge, emotional zit (sorry . . . best analogy I could think of.  Sorry if you were eating).  All of the stress and emotion that's been building up in my personal life decided to manifest in the middle of class.  But, it's ok.  Clearly it needed to come out.  Cheaper than a therapy session THAT'S for sure!

  It has not escaped me that six weeks ago when my body was begging me for a change, it could have meant several things.  I don't think I could handle what I'm now going through (being newly single and all) without having some sort of outlet for my emotions.  It's as if my subconscious was trying to prepare me for this all along.  Now, since my subconscious is so intuitive I have one question I'd like to ask it: WHY WILL YOU NOT TELL ME SOME WINNING LOTTO NUMBERS!!!!!!!!

  I hope you will try something new this week, even if you're stressed or going through a hard time.  In fact, ESPECIALLY if you are stressed or going through a hard time.  I think that's a good note to end on.

I guess I earned my "over-dramatic" badge, but whatever

So the Cliff's Notes for my last post are as follows:

Act I: Relationship with boyfriend falls apart

Act II: Heroine (yours truly) & James Bond (world's BEST dog) move out of boyfriend's house and into her mother's house for the time being

Act III: Heroine still pursuing journey to become a stronger, healthier her she me (inside and out). . . or die tryin'.

   My first morning alone was strange.  Which is odd considering that I've lived by myself for the greater part of a decade.  But, it was eerily quiet.  Like, Right-before-Michael-Myers-pops-out-and-kills-the-dumb-bimbo-and-you-scream-and-spill-all-of-your-popcorn quiet. So quiet my own thoughts seemed to be a little bit too loud for me.

  All was going o.k. until I realized that my iPod battery was low and I needed to find my charger.  Normally, it would be on a table or in a drawer.  But because of the move, mine was in a box or a bag. It was a needle in a haystack.  And as I looked at all the boxes and bags in the hallway, I started to cry and got all Veruca Salt-ish:

                                             And if I don't get the things I am after
                                                     I'm going to scream!

 (I wasn't singing this out loud, but I was singing it in my head pretty awesomely AND on key, I must say). The missing charger was symbolic that everything was once again different.  The boxes and bags were symbols of the failure of a relationship.  I was overwhelmed with emotion and feelings of defeat.  Pardon me, perhaps you've seen my tail? Yeah it's me Eeyore.

   It was SO easy and tempting to dwell on what I didn't have and what I had lost.  But as I sat on the steps sobbing about my iPod. Yeah, I guess I earned my "over-dramatic" badge, but whatever! I suddenly burst out laughing.   I'm crying about a missing iPod charger?!?!?!? If I told this story to someone in a third world country, would they even know what an iPod was??? My cheeks got hot from embarrassment from my own self-pity.  I have a roof over my head, I have water to drink, and food to eat.  Tons of people would love to have to dig through boxes and bags of clothes and stuff to find an iPod charger.  Someone else can play hostess for this pity party, I need to run. Literally.  The voice inside of my head was telling me to get my butt on the tredmill and run.  And after thirty-THREEE (she said as she took a deep breath to keep from fainting.  How did I get this old???) years of ignoring the voice, I'm long overdue to start listening. So I wiped my tears and took a deep breath. And funny what you remember when you calm down. . . . FOUND THE CHARGER!

   Since I can't skip off to the gym for a morning workout, my mom's tredmill is going to be my new BFF. . . or enemy.  It's nothing fancy but it beats running outside.  Seriously NC, I don't know if I can handle this humidity much longer!

As I began to run, something strange happened.  I got this strange burst of energy on the tredmill. I ran longer and faster than I have in YEARS.  I realize you can't outrun your problems.  But for thirty minutes a day. . . . it's nice to try.  And it sounds cliche, but I felt better when I was done.  I mean my heart was about to leap out of my chest and my legs felt like Pb. Pb is Nerduguese for Lead. I studied the Periodic Table of elements for a whole freakin' month in 1993. I WILL use that information at any opportunity possible. So if you don't like it, you can just take some Kr or some Fe and stick it where the sun don't shine.  My eyes were red from tears coming out of them and sweat dripping in.  But I FELT better.  I couldn't help but think about something the great American philosopher, Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, said:

                             Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. 
                             Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't.  


   I'm not saying running fixed my problems.  But it did make them a little bit more tolerable for a few hours. And for now. . . . I'll take it.