a double shot of confidence with a positive energy chaser

Week 9 Trainer: Bryan Sullivan

Location: Rapid Fitness Glenwood

Sessions: 3 (W/TH/F)

   First thing's first: I'm behind in posting.  The events in this post actually took place August 25th - August 27th.  I really have no excuse for why I'm so behind but basically: I got cocky.  "I've done about 50 blog entries, I can do this in no time! I got this! King Kong ain't got nothin on me!!"  I thought that I was advanced enough in my writing to be able to whip up a clever entry in no time, so I put it off thinking I would just "whip it up" tomorrow.  If procrastination was a legitimate talent in the pageant circuit, I would definitely have a few crowns on my mantle by now. And before I knew it an entire week had passed.  Oops, my bad.

   The weekend after my experience with Trainer X (See: http://kz-getfitordietryin.blogspot.com/2010/08/to-thine-own-self-be-true.html), I rebelled.  I ate some of the foods that I had resisted for weeks. Psychologically, I believe that I was trying to swallow my feelings of disappointment and failure.  Failure doesn't taste that bad when eaten with Junior Mints, a doughnut and some pizza.  My confidence was on life support and I felt defeated.  I didn't really realize that my psyche had all the fragility of a Faberge egg until the weekend after I finished my training week with X.  I'm not saying it's all X's fault, but it was pretty much the straw that broke the camel's back I think. I'm still, after all,trying to recover from my personal life being turned upside down.  Add to this the fact that the day before my first session with Bryan, I battled the tredmill and lost like Rocky against Apollo Creed (in the first Rocky).  I thought by now I'd be able to run like the bad guy Terminator in Terminator 2.  Ummm. . . . negative. Not to say I haven't improved, but I'm not where I thought I'd be by now. I could feel myself being tempted to go to "the Dark Side" ( aka Dunkin Donuts) and reverting back to bad habits.  If ever there was a week that I needed a double shot of confidence with a positive energy chaser, this was it.  Enter Brian Sullivan.

   I first met Bryan when I started working at Rapid Fitness.  He was working at the front desk studying to become a personal trainer.  That was five months ago.  What were you doing five months ago? Me? I was stuffing my face with Oreos and Cheese-Its, watching "You're Not the Father!" episodes of Maury Povich (aka - every freaking episode), while dreaming about ways that I could change my life but not actually doing a thing about it aside from buying Mega Millions tickets.   Before we even started training, Bryan had already taught me something very important.  He studied hard and kept his eyes on the prize and in five months, he changed/ improved his life. He proved that it doesn't necessarily take years or decades  to change your life for the better.  All the time and energy spent wishing for change could have been spent actually pursuing change.  I could already be at my destination vs. at the starting line!


   I've never seen Bryan in a bad mood.  Even when he was working the overnight front desk shift (midnight - 5 am, I think) a few months ago, he always had a smile on his face and would ALWAYS make time for his own workout somewhere between late nights at work, his personal training course and sleep. In fact, he put himself through a workout regimen while attending this course that resulted in him dropping two pant sizes.  Overachiever much?  How far can a positive attitude take you? I don't have a freakin clue, but ask Bryan.
He'd know.

   It makes sense that Fate wanted me to train with Bryan this week.  Who better to train with when you're feeling like an underachiever than with an overachiever?

   Bryan texted me long before our first session and asked me about my fitness goals and what I wanted out of the sessions.  Thanks to my losing battle with the tredmill, I have added another goal onto my list aside from fitting back into my jeans and abs of steel -  I want to run a 5k in the next three months (You read it here folks! I really want to run a 5k without embarrassing myself).

  By the time I arrived for my first session, Bryan greeted me with a printed out worksheet that he created specifically for me to achieve my goals.  If you're wondering - Yes, I already lost them. One of these days, I'm going to shock everyone with my organization and preparedness. One day this grasshopper will be an ant!  Buuut. . . . not today.   He broke my 3 sessions down to work the following: Day 1 - Stabilization/ Endurance. Day 2 - Strength/ Endurance.  Day 3: Power/ Maximum Strength.  Basically, a ton of core work and a ton of exercises that had me completely out of breath in about 10 seconds.

  We started small and worked our way up to powerful, complex moves.  Slowly, but surely I started getting my confidence back.  I didn't have to say "I can't" once.  In fact, guess who has two thumbs, worked with the medicine ball but didn't hit herself in the face once:  THIS GIRL! Guess who did 20 regular (not girlie) push-ups (a first): THIS GIRL.  Guess who did . . . eh you get the idea.  If Confidence down = Output down then Confidence up = ______?

  In Bryan I see the attitude that I should have not just for this fitness thing but in all aspects of my life.  I see that hard work DOES eventually pay off.  I see that if you care about something (like he cares about training) you put everything you have into it.  And I see that a positive attitude is perhaps the MOST important component to staying on track with this plan.

Every thought is a seed.  If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious.  ~Bill Meyer

    I'm not where I thought I would be by now by a long shot.  BUT. . . I'm a lot further than I would've been if I had stayed watching Maury give paternity results and eating Cheese-its.  That's for sure.

 

 

To thine own self be true!!

Week 8 Summary
Trainer: Name Withheld (known as Trainer X for this entry)




  Week 8 turned out to be one of the most valuable lessons I've learned since I began this fitness journey. There is strength that is the opposite of weak, and there is strength that is the opposite of meek.  Week 8 tested the latter.

  Before meeting Trainer X, I was very excited.  X has a great reputation with his other clients and I was kind of giddy at the idea of being trained by him.

  After a quick introduction where X asked me my long term goals (skinny jeans, skinny jeans, skinny jeans) he placed some heavy barbells in my hands.  Usually, the first 5 repetitions of any exercise are tolerable, 6-10 are hard, 10-12 make me want to cry, 12-15 make me want lay down and die.  With X, repetition #2 was beyond painful.  It was at this point, I got scared.

  I pushed harder than I've ever pushed before and made it through 3 sets of THIRTY repetitions.  My arms felt like they were going to fall off.  I looked at the clock . . . .  seven minutes into session.  Twenty-three minutes left.  Crap.

  I like being pushed.  That, after all, is why I'm seeing the trainers in the first place.  BUT - there's a fine line between pushing someone to get them to work and pushing them to the point where someone could get hurt.  For me, this was quickly turning into an experience where I could get hurt.  Maybe something was getting lost in translation, but I had hoped my facial expressions and body language was enough to tell him, "Dude, I'm going to break in half!".  Apparently not.

  In my first session, I was the good soldier, and did every exercise that I was told to do.  My arms were on fire, tears were streaming down my face, I was lifting more weight that I had ever done.  I didn't think I could keep up the pace for three more sessions.    I didn't question, I didn't speak up.

  Session two, I completely chickened out.  I couldn't do it.  It was too emotionally exhausting.  Here I thought I had made all of this progress, but in this situation, I felt back to square one.  I felt like a loser, a failure.  My body would not allow me to do all of the exercises X wanted me to do.  The feeling of defeat was weighing heavy on me and I just couldn't bring myself to go to my session.  And so, for the very first time. . . . I canceled.

  On my day off I thought about what my problem was.  I had PLENTY of trainers who had pushed me to the limit, why was this so different? The best answer I can give you is this: It just was.  To be absolutely honest, I didn't really feel like my best interest/ fitness level was taken into consideration.  If the week was going to get better, I needed to speak up.  And here we have the problem!

I. Hate. Confrontation.

I totally chicken out.  Now, I am perfectly capable of getting my point across through letters and emails.  In fact, if you are ever on the receiving end of one of my "Strongly Worded Emails" . . .  look out!  It is like a letter version of a Claire Huxtable/ Julia Sugarbaker tongue lashing.  In letters, I can say exactly what I want in a tone that would have the reader think that I am a force to be reckoned with.  In person. . . . Not. so. much.  But if I was going to get the most out of my next session, I needed to speak up.

 The next day, I quickly had my chance to speak up.  Ten minutes into the session and X wants me to do an exercise that requires me to step up on a platform using only one leg.  Sounds do-able, right? I've done that exercise before with a few other trainers.  HOWEVER, X wanted me to step up on a platform that was so high, my knee was in my armpit.  After one try at it, I quickly realized that my knee was not going to hold up fourteen more times.

"I can't."  I had raised my white flag.  I hated saying it, but I knew I couldn't SHOULDN'T do that exercise for three whole sets of 15.  Not if I valued the cartilage in my knee.

"Yes you can! Go! Do it!" said X.

"No. I can't." Tears were streaming down my face. I WANT to be able to do everything that's thrown at me. I WANT to be this workout warrior with a body that could rival any Shape magazine fitness model. But, I can't ignore what my body tells me, and this time - it was telling me, "Nope.  Don't even try it, girlfriend" (my body has obviously  been watching too many episodes of Living Single)

I had to say "I can't" a few more times in that session and X told me that if I trained with him for SIX months, I'd be able to perform these seemingly impossible tasks with ease (Wait . . . were these sessions a hustle? Were they being made too hard on purpose? Was I getting hustled?)

I made it through the session but ONCE again.  My mind was swimming. WWCHS (What Would Claire Huxtable Say?)?? She would probably sternly (NOT RUDELY!!!! I DO NOT ADVOCATE BEING RUDE TO ANYONE WHO IS PROVIDING YOU WITH A SERVICE.  I WORKED IN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY FOR TOO LONG TO EVEN CONCEIVE OF DOING THAT) tell X that he needed to change the workout for something more appropriate for her.  I opened my mouth for something to come out . . .  nothin'.  Clearly I have a lot of work to do to combat my meekness. Wonder what sort of exercises I can do for that?

  For me, X's style didn't work well with my physical fitness level or personality.   I was reminded of a time when I lived in New York and went to this shi-shi salon that had pictures of celebrities lining the walls.  I handed the man $1000 (not a typo) and he in turn . . . . gave me the crappiest hair-do I've ever had in my lifetime.  Just because the celebrities were lining up to sit in his chair, doesn't mean that it was automatically the best thing for me.  This experience was the same.  Just because X had a ton of followers and fans, doesn't mean that he was automatically the best trainer for me.  But in both situations, I wonder what would have happened if I had been more direct - if I had been more assertive (No sir, I do not want bangs as short as my pinky nail!).  People aren't mind readers.  BUT, I also don't want such a  struggle to get what I want every time I go to the salon, gym, etc.  Different strokes for Different folks.

I have to listen to what my body is telling me.  I can't go by what's working for other people.  Remember: If you don't speak up for yourself, who will?

To thine own self be true -that Polonius guy from Hamlet.

I may not be up on my Shakespeare quotes,

 but I am DEFINITELY up on my Clueless quotes. 

If something doesn't feel right: ask if you can do something different.  If it still doesn't feel right, remember "No" is not a dirty word.

Having an experience like this, really made me appreciate the trainers that meshed with my personality all the more . . . .same thing with hairstylists. Shout out to Teresa in LA! Haa-aaay! (No more Living Single reruns for me!)

The Human Flag

Week 7 Trainer: John Chen
Location: North Ridge Rapid Fitness
Sessions: 4 (T/W/Th/F)




This is my trainer for week 7:

   No, this is not a picture of him standing, holding a bar that I posted sideways.  He is actually holding up his entire body up (despite my poor picture taking techniques, you can still see his feet aren't touching anything) in mid-air like a freaking HUMAN FLAG!!!! (And it's not Photoshop either! I can barely figure out how to POST pictures, let alone alter them) In person, it is very Matrix-y looking and is absolutely one of the coolest things I have ever seen.

  Unlike my sessions with other trainers, I gave John some direction with what I wanted to accomplish in our sessions: I want to do exercises that will help me do the human flag.  Just to kill the suspense right here and now I'll tell you . . . THIS POST DOES NOT END WITH ME ROCKING OUT THE HUMAN FLAG LIKE A NINJA!! Um, try leaning sideways and lifting ONE leg! Go ahead! I'll wait!  . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Hard, right? I'm not completely lacking in common sense.  Although, anyone who knew me as a 24-year-old, may argue that point with complete validation. I am perfectly aware that a feat like that was not just improbable but IMPOSSIBLE in four days. BUT (I'm mighty fond of the caps today for some reason), I wanted to do exercises that one would do IF one wanted to learn how to do the human flag.  Because it is ALLLLLL core! If your core is strong enough for that move, then you are a badass . . . . or Spiderman.

   My first session with John started with an exercise involving a medicine ball and a wall.  I quietly prayed to develop hand/ eye in a matter of seconds.  But I'm sure we can all guess what happened.  3....2....1.... Oh, my nose!! Yup, first rep of the first set and I bonked myself in the nose with a 6 lb medicine ball.  I may or may not have used this as an opportunity to: 1) Do a pretty solid impression of Marsha Brady 2) Get John to take it easy on me the rest of the session.  Um yeah, he's former Navy, so somehow my rubber ball to the nose did not evoke much sympathy (or appreciation for my Marsha Brady impression).

  Oh yeah, I should mention that in my first session he made me do 90 dead lifts!!!!!! NINETY!!! NOVENTA! QUATRE-VINGT NIX! NEUNZIG! I thought the "dead" in dead lifts was just for show.  Nope.  It's literally how you feel the next day.

  John's ab workout should be put on video.  I have NEVER seen an ab workout this hard in my life.  One of the exercises he had me do, I could only do 5 and the burn was so intense I had to stop for a breather.  I thought of the time when I read that (pre-shaved head, pre-K-Fed) Britney Spears did 500 sit-ups a day.  500 sit-ups seems like a walk in the park compared to 3 minutes of John's ab workout.  As much as I complained though (it's kind of my thing if you haven't noticed), I'm going to try to do parts of his ab workout every day.  I've wanted rock hard abs since I was 16.  I've gotten close but something (*cough* Dunkin Donuts *cough* *cough*) usually makes it go back to its Jello-y state.  I'm pretty sure if I do John's ab workout every day for the next four weeks, my abs are going to be very steel-like.  In fact, I may just turn into one of those morons who goes around asking people to punch them in the stomach.  And if you knew me at age 24 . . . . you might just want to.

  Like I said, I did not magically learn how to do the human flag in four days.  But I'll let Bruce Lee explain why I needed/wanted to focus on it:

 A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.

 - Bruce Lee

Ask me about the human flag in a couple months.  If I can do it, I think I've earned a salute. 

 

Break Week!

Week 6: Break week!


   Since I have spent so much time recapping my personal drama, I've neglected to tell you about what happened last week, fitness-wise.  After 5 trainers (Larry, Jenn, Bryan, Jeramie, and Fabian) I was in need of a break from training sessions.  I am MUCH stronger and healthier than I was just a month ago but my body was screaming for a "time out".

  I didn't want to take the week off and do absolutely nothing.  I read somewhere that it takes FIVE weeks to make a habit.  That means that I've literally just made working out a habit.  It just started feeling more awkward to stay AWAY from the gym than to go.  I don't want to lose all of the mental progress I've made.  So, I decided to take advantage of some of the classes that the gym had to offer.

  The first one I wanted to try was RPM (aka Spin/ Cycling class). For those who don't know what it is, RPM/Spin/Cycle classes are cardio classes at gyms across the world where people get on stationary bikes, pedal like they're being chased by the Boogy Man even though they are headed nowhere, and sweat from every pore in their entire body. For fun. I've avoided those types of classes for 10 years.  While all of my friends at the Equinox Gym in NY (shout out to the Rique Uresti kickboxing crew! Ha-ay!!) were spinning their butts off (literally), I watched from the sidelines.  My issues with bikes (to review: I hear the Wicked Witch of the West music every time I pedal on a bike) kept me from trying it.  But I'm determined to take cycling OFF of the NGH list (See: http://www.kz-getfitordietryin.blogspot.com/2010/07/ngh.html) and try something outside of my comfort zone. 


   Plus, the gym owner's wife (who looks like a red-headed Barbie, by the way), said that she lost most of her pregnancy weight (She's popped TWO babies out of that perfect body) within the first month of returning to gym by adding Spin Classes into her workout regimen.  SOLD! Sign me up! 


   Starting a new aerobics class feels like starting a new school in January.  While you are new, no one else is. Everyone else knows each other and they know what they're doing.  It's so easy to want to slip out of the door and flee for the comforts of your car.  But it's only awkward for about 5 minutes. If you're ever in a new aerobics class, I highly encourage you to raise your hand say "I'm new! Can you help me?".  Especially if the objects used in such aerobics class have the potential to really bruise your Southern lady parts, if you get my drift (damn you bike seat. Damn you!!!).


  In my first spin class the instructor, Heather, taught me how to line up my bike so that it's the right height for me.  When you first sit on it, it ain't comfy.  I'll tell you that much.  But I will admit, the feeling does go away.  But I'm still going to invest in a gel seat for my bike.  Now, I've done more than my share of step classes and kickboxing classes but THIS workout is unreal.  It's not complicated in movements (no 8-counts, no grapevines) but It. Is. Tough.  My entire body was sweating.  I realize I'm behind in the times with this workout trend, but if you haven't tried it. .  .. try it three times.  It will take two times for your crotch to stop screaming at you so the third time is when you will really start enjoying it.  Plus, you can burn 400-600 calories in an hour! So far, I've taken class with Chris and Heather, both awesome.  I don't know if all people who take RPM/ Spin are like the people who take the class at my gym but folks (FOLKS?? Wow, I'm really picking up this Southern lingo) were whoopin' and hollarin' and supporting each other! It was like a big party! So much fun, that I almost forgot about my bruised lady parts. . . . almost.


   I also took a "Body Flow" class. Body flow is a blend of yoga, tai chi and Pilates.  I love me some Pilates.  When I was more financially care-free, I took Pilates at Pilates Plus in Hollywood (check it out if you're in Hollywood: http://www.pilatesplushbv.com/index.html)  but I've never been a Yogi.  I just can't bring myself to rest my body and mind long enough to get through a class.  Luckily, the movement in this class is faster than a typical yoga class.  It combined "adult contemporary" music (you know, like the kind of music you hear at the dentist) and no one was asking me to "meditate with my third eye" (Dear Yoga instructors across America: It is impossible to relax with you telling me I need to visualize a third eye in my head.  I do not care if this is spiritual and not literal.  It is nasty.  Please adjust your sessions accordingly. Love, Kai).  It was yoga moves to some up-beat music (Read: NO ENYA IN THE WHOLE HOUR!).  THIS I could handle. Did I mention the class was taught by my boss?? At first I was skeptical to take a class by the person who signs my paycheck (If I didn't do well, would she take away my new raise??) but I'm very happy that I went. Thanks Renee. Ummm . . . . If I say it was awesome like 100 more times, ya think I can get another raise?

   My Yogi LA friends have often told me that stretching the body can release pockets of energy that release emotions and out of nowhere you find yourself laughing or crying.  I don't know what the medical community thinks about this but WOW did that happen to me.  One moment I'm leaning back stretching my core, the next minute I'm getting choked up and trying to wipe my tears before anyone could see. They saw. It was like the popping of a huge, emotional zit (sorry . . . best analogy I could think of.  Sorry if you were eating).  All of the stress and emotion that's been building up in my personal life decided to manifest in the middle of class.  But, it's ok.  Clearly it needed to come out.  Cheaper than a therapy session THAT'S for sure!

  It has not escaped me that six weeks ago when my body was begging me for a change, it could have meant several things.  I don't think I could handle what I'm now going through (being newly single and all) without having some sort of outlet for my emotions.  It's as if my subconscious was trying to prepare me for this all along.  Now, since my subconscious is so intuitive I have one question I'd like to ask it: WHY WILL YOU NOT TELL ME SOME WINNING LOTTO NUMBERS!!!!!!!!

  I hope you will try something new this week, even if you're stressed or going through a hard time.  In fact, ESPECIALLY if you are stressed or going through a hard time.  I think that's a good note to end on.

He's not just the "work-your-butt-off" president, he's also a client

Week 5 Trainer: Fabian
Location: North Ridge Rapid Fitness
Sessions: 4 (M/T/TH/F)


   It's been difficult for me to write my week 5 training summary because it was such a cool, eye-opening week and I wanted to give it justice.  Then I got anxiety about giving it justice and that led to a nap. . . . or 7.  But I'm not allowing myself to read Perezhilton.com until I finish, and I think I'm starting to get the shakes from withdrawal. So let's get to it, before I get all Whitney Houston on everyone.  Crack is Whack! Do you hear what I'm sayin', Diane? (Ok, wait - do you think she'll come after me one day for that? Sorry Whitney! I come in peace!)

  My week 5 trainer was Fabian.  Fabian is a fun, easy going guy who could easily give up personal training for a career as a professional model.  Seriously, this guy was made for the pages of GQ (if any talent scouts out there get any bright ideas after reading this, I want a finders fee!).  He is a competitive track and field star, originally from Barbados, who has trained alongside the world's best. His style is to train EVERYONE like an athlete.  If week 4 was my week to feel like GI Jane, week 5 was my week to feel like a collegiate or pro-athlete.  Which is a pretty awesome feeling for someone who was picked last for every P.E. activity since the great "You-can't-hunt-for-lady-bugs-in-the-middle-of-a-kickball- game!" debacle of 1985. By the way, I wasn't looking for lady bugs! I don't do bugs of any kind.  I was looking for four-leaf clovers, thank you very much. So there.

  Fabian started every session by asking how I was feeling emotionally and physically.  Should I bring up that I'm still a little down in the dumps about the fact that I will no longer be able to get my weekly fill of Dr. Jack Shepard and Hurley-isms on LOST ?  Probably not.  Most of his workouts utilized the medicine ball, the elastic bands and the kettle ball.  Even though I'm 5 trainers and over 10 training sessions in, Fabian did exercises that I've never seen before.  I couldn't help but wonder if somewhere Kobe, Brett Favre, and LeBron were doing the same exercises or if they were just taking a bath in all of their money a la Scrooge McDuck.

  When the burn kicked in from all of the insane core work (Insane, I tell you! IN-SANE!!), I tried to imagine myself as a female track star who can bend over in a sports bra without being afraid that someone will be  poke you in the gut and command, "Giggle!"  like you're the Pillsbury freakin' Dough Boy (that fear has kept me from the pool all summer).

  On day 2, when Fabian asked me how I was feeling, I complained of a little quad soreness (perhaps due to the 100 squats and lunges we did on day 1! I'd like to see you do all that Shaq!).  "Oh we can work on that!" he said and changed my workout right then and there.  Next thing I know, I'm doing these exercises with the medicine ball that really should be accompanied by someone whistling Sweet Georgia Brown! It was an exercise that was equal parts stretch and burn (kinda like yoga but with a medicine ball).  I was having so much fun pretending to be a Harlem Globetrotter and all the shenanigans I would get into on Gilligan's Island or Scooby-doo with the rest of the team, I barely noticed that the strain in my legs was gone and that I was sweating like a pig. Seriously Lady Mitchum Deodorant?? Epic FAIL!!!!

   Not only that, but when he put me on the tredmill afterwards, my stride was longer and bore a close resemblance to (Dare I say it?) the stride of a REAL athlete.  Allow me to be more specific with the word "athlete" since I recently learned that competitive eaters call themselves "athletes".  I mean people who sweat for their sport, not burp. That said. . . . Team Takeru Kobayashi!!! He's going to wipe the floor with you at next years hot dog eating contest, Joey "the Jaws" Chestnut!

  By session 4, I thought I was hot stuff. I am woman. . . hear me roar!!! Um . . . wrong. Apparently sessions 1-3 were just a warm-up for #4.  Fridays with Fabian. Seriously, I might just be ready for the Olympic trials after this. It was THAT hard.  I can't even think of a witty analogy to express exactly how hard this session was!! Let me put it like this: If you work out with Fabian on a Friday, don't worry about being tempted to indulge in beer or wine over the weekend, because you won't be able to lift your arms high enough to get the glass to your mouth.  Seriously! Sidenote: Guess who has two thumbs and did THREE sets of pull-ups! THIS GIRL!!!!

   One thing to note about Fabian. After he trains his clients in the afternoon (and works as a strength and conditioning coach to a local football or basketball team in the morning) he puts himself through the same rigorous workout as his clients.  There have been many late nights when aside from myself and James Bond (what? you don't bring your dog to work with you?), Fabian is one of the last to leave. He's not just the "work-your-butt-off" president, he's also a client.

  He studies the human body not just because it's his job as a trainer but because as an athlete, when the difference between first and last place is a fraction of a second, how you train can make all the difference. And I get to reap the benefits of all the knowledge he's accumulated over years of training! Woo-hoo! 

   I've been thinking back on how much money and time I've wasted spent on buying drinks ("like Mike, if I could be like Mike! I wanna be, I wanna be like Mike"), clothes (don't get me started on how I begged for a "Bo Knows" shirt), shoes, even watching cartoons (ProStars starring Mike, Wayne and Bo. You know you watched it too so shut it) that featured my favorite athletes in efforts to absorb their abilities and be more like them: faster, stronger . . . . better.  Did it work? ummmm, no.  Like I said, this girl was picked last (even after the class nose picker) in P.E. class games.  But now, I have the tools to really train like them.  I dare you to pick me last for kickball now, suckas!

   NOW I'm going to read me some perezhilton.com.  I don't think I've ever gone this long without my celebrity gossip.  I think I have the cold sweats.

Wonder if they have lifting gloves with Hello Kitty on them?

Week 3: Training Summary
Location: Glenwood Ave. Rapid Fitness
Trainer: Bryan W.

  Yeah, yeah. . . I'm 5 days behind with this post.  Blame it on the rain (. . . that was fallin', fallin'! ) or something. So, Week 3 I was assigned to Bryan W. who trains from the Glenwood location.  Woo-hoo! This location is closer to my house, which means 10 extra minutes of snoozing before 9am sessions!

  On our first day of training, I find out that Bryan's wife gave birth FIVE days prior.  There he was, a sleep deprived new dad and he was smiling and ready to go.  I, on the other hand, could hear my pillows calling me from the gym and was ready to go back to bed.  I tried my best to weasle out of working out.

   KZ: "Oh wow. You know. . . we can do this another time if you want.
            I'm sure you want to go home and be with the baby"
  BW: "Nope. Let's get going!"

Drat. And so it began. . .

Bryan's training philosophy is to train 3x's a week: One day for lower body, one day for core, one day for upper body.

Day 1: Lower Body

TEN minutes into my session and I'm already whining. 

    KZ: "It BURNS! My legs are BURNING!"
   BW: "Yup. That's the lactic acid building up in your muscles. That means it's working"
   KZ: "I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT!!! I think I should stop!!"

Note: I'm not stupid enough to really get lactose and lactic confused.  But friends, I would have done an-y-thing to stop the burn. Anything. One thing is absolutely clear: downhill skiing is nowhere in my future.  Not that it is was really on the list of things I was dying to try, but remaining in a skiers squat for more than 5 seconds is my idea of punishment.  Lindsey Vonn, you are a superhuman freak.

   Next we moved on to wall sits.  Friends, I have a longstanding relationship with wall sits.  Once, when I was a little college cheerleader, we were doing wall sits for our conditioning and I sliced my elbow on a metal outlet cover and had to go get stitches and a shot and I was THRILLED because it meant I got out of the wall sits.  There I was bleeding profusely and I was happy.  THAT is how much I hate wall sits.  I began to spell (See entry: Counting is so 2009) the name of every friend I have every had in my life: J-U-L-I-E,  R-E-N-E-E,  K-A-R-E-N, J-E-N-N, J-E-N-N-Y, -J-E-N-N-I-F-E-R (Wow, do I know a lot of Jenn's or what!).  After a more names, I couldn't even speak.  The burn was winning.  After a few seconds of silence Bryan asked:

     BW: Who's name are you spelling now?
     KZ: G-O-D

  If life was fair, one wall sit would be all it would take to get legs like Jennifer Aniston.  But alas, it is not.  But I did it!  I didn't quit!! I cried and I whined (I may have even screamed), but I did not quit!
 
   At the end of session 1, Bryan instructed me to do 20 minutes of cardio.  But before I could take one step towards my beloved Precor 100i, he said that I need to do the Stairmaster to complete the lower body workout. Now, if you did not just think to yourself, "Oh! That poor girl! What has she done to deserve that?!?" then clearly you do not know what a StairMASTER is. 

THIS is a Stairmaster:

    I tried everything to get out of it.

      KZ: "I'm scared of heights!"
      BW: "It's about 2ft. high. Get on"
      KZ: "I have vertigo."
      BW: "What's that?"
        **** Crickets ****
      KZ: "I am morally and ethically opposed to anything with the word 'master' in it"
      BW: "Get on."
   

    I stopped for a break every 5 minutes.  And I was on a low speed!  But if a machine can make even your forearms sweat after 5 minutes, it must be working.  And I have to admit, my buns felt a bit more steel-ish after I got off. 

   Day 2: Core

Act I.

        BW: "Now you're gonna go in a Wonder Woman position and lift your arms and legs like you're flying"
        KZ: "Technically, Wonder Woman didn't fly.  She sat in an invisible jet.  So, can I just practice sitting?"
        BW: "No."

Act II.

       KZ: "How many more do I have to do?"
       BW: "Go until I say stop"
       KZ: "But I need to know what to spell!"
       BW: "Go for the alphabet"

Act III.

      KZ: "You know, I totally understand if you want to stop and go home to your . . . "
      BW: "No.  Keep going"
      KZ: ". . . baby"
      KZ attempts fake tears for sympathy.  It is not successful.

Day 3: Arms

     KZ: "I can't lift anymore"
     BW: "Yes, you can"
     KZ: "I caaaaaannnnnnn'ttttt" (whining really is an artform if done correctly)
     BW: "Just try it"

   I did it !!!!! Success!!!! Screaming "King Kong ain't got nothin' on me!" is considered.  Then reconsidered.  
   My arms feel like Gumby and I have BLISTERS.  BLISTERS!!!! I haven't had blisters since my monkey bar days. I have my first official war wound from all of this. Guess it's time to get lifting gloves. You know the people in the gym who have lifting gloves.  They are usually the badasses.  Woo-hoo! I'm on my way to being a badass. Wonder if they have lifting gloves with Hello Kitty on them?
   One of the great things about Bryan is that he is an educator and a nurturer.  Maybe it's that dad instinct going into overdrive but every exercise came with a mini-lesson.  I learned what muscle group I was working, why I was working it, and how it will help me in everyday activities. I wonder if he could show me some exercises to do in preparation for the semi-annual sale at Fred Segal.  Just try to take those leggings out of my hand THIS time actress-who-shall-not-be-named, Just try! I'll get you my pretty! Muah-hahahahaha!

   I have to say that Bryan gives a whole new meaning to the word dedication.  Five days into fatherhood and he's back, giving me his full attention.  If he can make it in, then I really don't have any excuse.  I'm going to try to remember that every time I try to convince myself  that a new episode of America's Next Top Model is reason enough to not go to the gym.