I can not be trusted

Week 5


    Well, let's start of with some good news: My car is clean (for the most part)!!!! Hooray!  It only took me three or four weeks to follow through, but I did it!!! Now for the bad news: my assignment two weeks ago was to read a book.  Um . . . . I haven't read a page. So, it stays on the list.

   This week my meeting with Dr. Josh took an interesting turn.  He started by looking at my food journal and asking me how I felt.  Lately, I've been feeling pretty darn good:  I'm getting up earlier, my skin's looking pretty good.  I mean, I still haven't won the lotto or anything but as far as my health goes, I'm feeling A-OK. That is, until he tells me that we're going to work BREAD back into my diet.  Wait. . . What? Come again!! I can't.  I can't do that.  I can't be trusted with it.  Addicts can't be trusted to use their drug of choice in moderation, why should I ? I am a carb addict.  I don't think I can be trusted with it without turning into Animal from the Muppets.  I'm not going to lie, I'm scared.

    There have been sad moments in my past where I've eaten an entire loaf of bread in ONE day.  ONE. DAY.  In fact, my very first diet when I was 16 consisted of only eating bread for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I lost weight (for about a week) and thought that I had found the secret (Sad, but true).  When bread wasn't on my list of acceptable foods it was a lot easier to avoid the aisles b/c it was forbidden and it was against the rules.  It will be a lot harder to turn my back on the aisle simply because I CHOOSE not to go down it.  I don't want the choice! I don't think I'm strong enough to make the right one!

  Dr. Josh picked up on my nervousness and suggested that I try bread for one day and one day only and see what happens.  Ok, one day.  I think I can handle that.  Let's hope so.  On the bright side, if I fail, maybe I'll pick up the ability to play the drums like a maniac.