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one of my oldest friends just got engaged. This girl will not be the "fat friend" at the wedding! The tredmill awaits me!

Random Rant #1

 Somehow "aspiring writer" has translated to "ready and eager personal assistant" to some.  Just because I like to write, doesn't mean I revel in typing or doing your errands.  I have been on the receiving end of at least five different offers by random people to "do some work for them".  Oh, Can I? Please? (there really should be punctuation to indicate sarcasm).  STOP ASKING ME!

  Maybe you pity me because you think I have no talent but please stop sending me these offers, folks!!

  And one more thing: Is there anyone left on the planet who doesn't know that an email that starts with "I'm currently out of the country but I pay through my off-shore account" is a hoax?? Time to go back to the drawing board, scammers.


You might ask, "What does this have to do with getting fit, eating healthy, etc?"  Well, it's frustrating experiences like this that make me want to throw open the panty door and go to town.  If I write them down, I'm hoping to diffuse the resentment and bitterness without resorting to eating my feelings. So far, so good. 

I just Google searched this blog.  I'm on the top of page 2!!!! Woo - hoo!!! Small victory!!! I feel like the Whos in Whoville who have finally been heard!. A blog is a blog, no matter how small!!

a double shot of confidence with a positive energy chaser

Week 9 Trainer: Bryan Sullivan

Location: Rapid Fitness Glenwood

Sessions: 3 (W/TH/F)

   First thing's first: I'm behind in posting.  The events in this post actually took place August 25th - August 27th.  I really have no excuse for why I'm so behind but basically: I got cocky.  "I've done about 50 blog entries, I can do this in no time! I got this! King Kong ain't got nothin on me!!"  I thought that I was advanced enough in my writing to be able to whip up a clever entry in no time, so I put it off thinking I would just "whip it up" tomorrow.  If procrastination was a legitimate talent in the pageant circuit, I would definitely have a few crowns on my mantle by now. And before I knew it an entire week had passed.  Oops, my bad.

   The weekend after my experience with Trainer X (See: http://kz-getfitordietryin.blogspot.com/2010/08/to-thine-own-self-be-true.html), I rebelled.  I ate some of the foods that I had resisted for weeks. Psychologically, I believe that I was trying to swallow my feelings of disappointment and failure.  Failure doesn't taste that bad when eaten with Junior Mints, a doughnut and some pizza.  My confidence was on life support and I felt defeated.  I didn't really realize that my psyche had all the fragility of a Faberge egg until the weekend after I finished my training week with X.  I'm not saying it's all X's fault, but it was pretty much the straw that broke the camel's back I think. I'm still, after all,trying to recover from my personal life being turned upside down.  Add to this the fact that the day before my first session with Bryan, I battled the tredmill and lost like Rocky against Apollo Creed (in the first Rocky).  I thought by now I'd be able to run like the bad guy Terminator in Terminator 2.  Ummm. . . . negative. Not to say I haven't improved, but I'm not where I thought I'd be by now. I could feel myself being tempted to go to "the Dark Side" ( aka Dunkin Donuts) and reverting back to bad habits.  If ever there was a week that I needed a double shot of confidence with a positive energy chaser, this was it.  Enter Brian Sullivan.

   I first met Bryan when I started working at Rapid Fitness.  He was working at the front desk studying to become a personal trainer.  That was five months ago.  What were you doing five months ago? Me? I was stuffing my face with Oreos and Cheese-Its, watching "You're Not the Father!" episodes of Maury Povich (aka - every freaking episode), while dreaming about ways that I could change my life but not actually doing a thing about it aside from buying Mega Millions tickets.   Before we even started training, Bryan had already taught me something very important.  He studied hard and kept his eyes on the prize and in five months, he changed/ improved his life. He proved that it doesn't necessarily take years or decades  to change your life for the better.  All the time and energy spent wishing for change could have been spent actually pursuing change.  I could already be at my destination vs. at the starting line!


   I've never seen Bryan in a bad mood.  Even when he was working the overnight front desk shift (midnight - 5 am, I think) a few months ago, he always had a smile on his face and would ALWAYS make time for his own workout somewhere between late nights at work, his personal training course and sleep. In fact, he put himself through a workout regimen while attending this course that resulted in him dropping two pant sizes.  Overachiever much?  How far can a positive attitude take you? I don't have a freakin clue, but ask Bryan.
He'd know.

   It makes sense that Fate wanted me to train with Bryan this week.  Who better to train with when you're feeling like an underachiever than with an overachiever?

   Bryan texted me long before our first session and asked me about my fitness goals and what I wanted out of the sessions.  Thanks to my losing battle with the tredmill, I have added another goal onto my list aside from fitting back into my jeans and abs of steel -  I want to run a 5k in the next three months (You read it here folks! I really want to run a 5k without embarrassing myself).

  By the time I arrived for my first session, Bryan greeted me with a printed out worksheet that he created specifically for me to achieve my goals.  If you're wondering - Yes, I already lost them. One of these days, I'm going to shock everyone with my organization and preparedness. One day this grasshopper will be an ant!  Buuut. . . . not today.   He broke my 3 sessions down to work the following: Day 1 - Stabilization/ Endurance. Day 2 - Strength/ Endurance.  Day 3: Power/ Maximum Strength.  Basically, a ton of core work and a ton of exercises that had me completely out of breath in about 10 seconds.

  We started small and worked our way up to powerful, complex moves.  Slowly, but surely I started getting my confidence back.  I didn't have to say "I can't" once.  In fact, guess who has two thumbs, worked with the medicine ball but didn't hit herself in the face once:  THIS GIRL! Guess who did 20 regular (not girlie) push-ups (a first): THIS GIRL.  Guess who did . . . eh you get the idea.  If Confidence down = Output down then Confidence up = ______?

  In Bryan I see the attitude that I should have not just for this fitness thing but in all aspects of my life.  I see that hard work DOES eventually pay off.  I see that if you care about something (like he cares about training) you put everything you have into it.  And I see that a positive attitude is perhaps the MOST important component to staying on track with this plan.

Every thought is a seed.  If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious.  ~Bill Meyer

    I'm not where I thought I would be by now by a long shot.  BUT. . . I'm a lot further than I would've been if I had stayed watching Maury give paternity results and eating Cheese-its.  That's for sure.

 

 

Mobile Post:
Couch = 1. Kai = 0. Can I hire someone just 2 pull me from bed 2 car?

2.5 hours til the gym closes. Can I get up and go? Good question

An Ode To BBQ Sauce

An Ode To BBQ Sauce ~ by Kai Zander

Oh Barbecue!

Oh Barbecue!

It is quite impossible

to live without you

I do not like salt

I can live without pepper

All I need is you

To make things taste better!

Diets don't like you

because of your sugar and carbs

but I really don't care

how bad for me you are

I've cut out the bread

and pasta and wheat

but life without you

is an impossible feat

If the "real world" doesn't have you

I'll live happily in the Matrix

Sorry Neo! Sorry Morpheus!

I'm an addict who needs A fix! (enunciate the "A" so it rhymes)

And sorry your daughter is such a skank, Morpheus. But I digress....

I love you Barbecue!

And not that clear, vinegar sh*t

I hope I never have to choose

between you and being fit.

The End

So if it wasn't clear from the previous six stanzas,  I love barbecue sauce.  Even when I cut out sugar and high fructose corn syrup everywhere else, I was still getting my bbq fix.  Dr. Josh says it wasn't that bad considering I was putting it on before I was grilling and some of the sugar was lost in the grilling process.

But a life without bbq sauce is just not one I'm willing to live in.  I try to make modifications sometimes.  These are some sauces use natural ingredients - no preservatives.  Which means: No high-fructose corn syrup.  But I admit it: If the healthier options aren't in the store, I'm going for the sugary stuff.

1. Bone Suckin' Sauce: A+!!! Yummy!!!! Perfect for pretty much anything.  Not too tomato-y.  Not too smokey. It comes in a mason jar and is available at stores like Whole Foods and Fresh Market. The company is a North Carolina owned company. Also, I think I went to the same high school as the owner. Reason #537 not to be a bitch in high school: I could have an endless supply of free bbq sauce by now.  Curses.
www.bonesuckin.com

2. Walden Farms: I've only tried the Honey BBQ kind. Zero Carbs and Zero Calories  = zero guilt.  Its not my favorite ever, but it's still good.  www.waldenfarms.com

3. Annie's Naturals:  Haven't had this one in a long time.  It's kind of pricey but  the Smokey Maple is yum! www.anniesnaturals.com


And by the way, THIS post is what happens when there's nothing on TV and I don't have anything to read during dinner: I create poems about my food.

H.T. and Dolores

Meet H.T. and Dolores:

   H.T. is 88-years-old and his wife, Dolores, is. . . . a couple years younger.  Dolores is a real Southern lady.  Real ladies never tell their real age. Did I mention I just turned 33??

  These two come to the gym every day.  Ev-e-ry day.  They walk. They lift weights. They get on the bike.  H.T. often brings in poems that are humorous reminders for everyone to "eat right and keep it tight so you too can see the next days light".  Dolores asks us all how we are doing and compliments our accomplishments (no matter how small) like only a grandma can.

   While some of my fitness "heroes" are the models in the pages of Shape, H.T. and Dolores are a pair of real fitness heroes.  They are what fitness is really all about: Helping you lead a long and active life.

   Whenever I find myself without energy and tell myself  "I can't today", I try to think of H.T. and Dolores.  Odds are, they've either already worked out or are getting ready to work out.

   Workouts don't always have to be about lifting the most (Hear that Trainer X???) or running the fastest or the longest.  The most important thing is that you do it, a little bit every day so you can see quite a few "next days' lights"


P.S.  I think I'm going to write Shape magazine and ask them to make Betty White a cover model.  Just to remind their readers what it's really all about.

  

Mobile Post:
Just got on the tredmill. I did NOT do as well as I thought I would. Dang it.

To thine own self be true!!

Week 8 Summary
Trainer: Name Withheld (known as Trainer X for this entry)




  Week 8 turned out to be one of the most valuable lessons I've learned since I began this fitness journey. There is strength that is the opposite of weak, and there is strength that is the opposite of meek.  Week 8 tested the latter.

  Before meeting Trainer X, I was very excited.  X has a great reputation with his other clients and I was kind of giddy at the idea of being trained by him.

  After a quick introduction where X asked me my long term goals (skinny jeans, skinny jeans, skinny jeans) he placed some heavy barbells in my hands.  Usually, the first 5 repetitions of any exercise are tolerable, 6-10 are hard, 10-12 make me want to cry, 12-15 make me want lay down and die.  With X, repetition #2 was beyond painful.  It was at this point, I got scared.

  I pushed harder than I've ever pushed before and made it through 3 sets of THIRTY repetitions.  My arms felt like they were going to fall off.  I looked at the clock . . . .  seven minutes into session.  Twenty-three minutes left.  Crap.

  I like being pushed.  That, after all, is why I'm seeing the trainers in the first place.  BUT - there's a fine line between pushing someone to get them to work and pushing them to the point where someone could get hurt.  For me, this was quickly turning into an experience where I could get hurt.  Maybe something was getting lost in translation, but I had hoped my facial expressions and body language was enough to tell him, "Dude, I'm going to break in half!".  Apparently not.

  In my first session, I was the good soldier, and did every exercise that I was told to do.  My arms were on fire, tears were streaming down my face, I was lifting more weight that I had ever done.  I didn't think I could keep up the pace for three more sessions.    I didn't question, I didn't speak up.

  Session two, I completely chickened out.  I couldn't do it.  It was too emotionally exhausting.  Here I thought I had made all of this progress, but in this situation, I felt back to square one.  I felt like a loser, a failure.  My body would not allow me to do all of the exercises X wanted me to do.  The feeling of defeat was weighing heavy on me and I just couldn't bring myself to go to my session.  And so, for the very first time. . . . I canceled.

  On my day off I thought about what my problem was.  I had PLENTY of trainers who had pushed me to the limit, why was this so different? The best answer I can give you is this: It just was.  To be absolutely honest, I didn't really feel like my best interest/ fitness level was taken into consideration.  If the week was going to get better, I needed to speak up.  And here we have the problem!

I. Hate. Confrontation.

I totally chicken out.  Now, I am perfectly capable of getting my point across through letters and emails.  In fact, if you are ever on the receiving end of one of my "Strongly Worded Emails" . . .  look out!  It is like a letter version of a Claire Huxtable/ Julia Sugarbaker tongue lashing.  In letters, I can say exactly what I want in a tone that would have the reader think that I am a force to be reckoned with.  In person. . . . Not. so. much.  But if I was going to get the most out of my next session, I needed to speak up.

 The next day, I quickly had my chance to speak up.  Ten minutes into the session and X wants me to do an exercise that requires me to step up on a platform using only one leg.  Sounds do-able, right? I've done that exercise before with a few other trainers.  HOWEVER, X wanted me to step up on a platform that was so high, my knee was in my armpit.  After one try at it, I quickly realized that my knee was not going to hold up fourteen more times.

"I can't."  I had raised my white flag.  I hated saying it, but I knew I couldn't SHOULDN'T do that exercise for three whole sets of 15.  Not if I valued the cartilage in my knee.

"Yes you can! Go! Do it!" said X.

"No. I can't." Tears were streaming down my face. I WANT to be able to do everything that's thrown at me. I WANT to be this workout warrior with a body that could rival any Shape magazine fitness model. But, I can't ignore what my body tells me, and this time - it was telling me, "Nope.  Don't even try it, girlfriend" (my body has obviously  been watching too many episodes of Living Single)

I had to say "I can't" a few more times in that session and X told me that if I trained with him for SIX months, I'd be able to perform these seemingly impossible tasks with ease (Wait . . . were these sessions a hustle? Were they being made too hard on purpose? Was I getting hustled?)

I made it through the session but ONCE again.  My mind was swimming. WWCHS (What Would Claire Huxtable Say?)?? She would probably sternly (NOT RUDELY!!!! I DO NOT ADVOCATE BEING RUDE TO ANYONE WHO IS PROVIDING YOU WITH A SERVICE.  I WORKED IN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY FOR TOO LONG TO EVEN CONCEIVE OF DOING THAT) tell X that he needed to change the workout for something more appropriate for her.  I opened my mouth for something to come out . . .  nothin'.  Clearly I have a lot of work to do to combat my meekness. Wonder what sort of exercises I can do for that?

  For me, X's style didn't work well with my physical fitness level or personality.   I was reminded of a time when I lived in New York and went to this shi-shi salon that had pictures of celebrities lining the walls.  I handed the man $1000 (not a typo) and he in turn . . . . gave me the crappiest hair-do I've ever had in my lifetime.  Just because the celebrities were lining up to sit in his chair, doesn't mean that it was automatically the best thing for me.  This experience was the same.  Just because X had a ton of followers and fans, doesn't mean that he was automatically the best trainer for me.  But in both situations, I wonder what would have happened if I had been more direct - if I had been more assertive (No sir, I do not want bangs as short as my pinky nail!).  People aren't mind readers.  BUT, I also don't want such a  struggle to get what I want every time I go to the salon, gym, etc.  Different strokes for Different folks.

I have to listen to what my body is telling me.  I can't go by what's working for other people.  Remember: If you don't speak up for yourself, who will?

To thine own self be true -that Polonius guy from Hamlet.

I may not be up on my Shakespeare quotes,

 but I am DEFINITELY up on my Clueless quotes. 

If something doesn't feel right: ask if you can do something different.  If it still doesn't feel right, remember "No" is not a dirty word.

Having an experience like this, really made me appreciate the trainers that meshed with my personality all the more . . . .same thing with hairstylists. Shout out to Teresa in LA! Haa-aaay! (No more Living Single reruns for me!)

The Human Flag

Week 7 Trainer: John Chen
Location: North Ridge Rapid Fitness
Sessions: 4 (T/W/Th/F)




This is my trainer for week 7:

   No, this is not a picture of him standing, holding a bar that I posted sideways.  He is actually holding up his entire body up (despite my poor picture taking techniques, you can still see his feet aren't touching anything) in mid-air like a freaking HUMAN FLAG!!!! (And it's not Photoshop either! I can barely figure out how to POST pictures, let alone alter them) In person, it is very Matrix-y looking and is absolutely one of the coolest things I have ever seen.

  Unlike my sessions with other trainers, I gave John some direction with what I wanted to accomplish in our sessions: I want to do exercises that will help me do the human flag.  Just to kill the suspense right here and now I'll tell you . . . THIS POST DOES NOT END WITH ME ROCKING OUT THE HUMAN FLAG LIKE A NINJA!! Um, try leaning sideways and lifting ONE leg! Go ahead! I'll wait!  . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Hard, right? I'm not completely lacking in common sense.  Although, anyone who knew me as a 24-year-old, may argue that point with complete validation. I am perfectly aware that a feat like that was not just improbable but IMPOSSIBLE in four days. BUT (I'm mighty fond of the caps today for some reason), I wanted to do exercises that one would do IF one wanted to learn how to do the human flag.  Because it is ALLLLLL core! If your core is strong enough for that move, then you are a badass . . . . or Spiderman.

   My first session with John started with an exercise involving a medicine ball and a wall.  I quietly prayed to develop hand/ eye in a matter of seconds.  But I'm sure we can all guess what happened.  3....2....1.... Oh, my nose!! Yup, first rep of the first set and I bonked myself in the nose with a 6 lb medicine ball.  I may or may not have used this as an opportunity to: 1) Do a pretty solid impression of Marsha Brady 2) Get John to take it easy on me the rest of the session.  Um yeah, he's former Navy, so somehow my rubber ball to the nose did not evoke much sympathy (or appreciation for my Marsha Brady impression).

  Oh yeah, I should mention that in my first session he made me do 90 dead lifts!!!!!! NINETY!!! NOVENTA! QUATRE-VINGT NIX! NEUNZIG! I thought the "dead" in dead lifts was just for show.  Nope.  It's literally how you feel the next day.

  John's ab workout should be put on video.  I have NEVER seen an ab workout this hard in my life.  One of the exercises he had me do, I could only do 5 and the burn was so intense I had to stop for a breather.  I thought of the time when I read that (pre-shaved head, pre-K-Fed) Britney Spears did 500 sit-ups a day.  500 sit-ups seems like a walk in the park compared to 3 minutes of John's ab workout.  As much as I complained though (it's kind of my thing if you haven't noticed), I'm going to try to do parts of his ab workout every day.  I've wanted rock hard abs since I was 16.  I've gotten close but something (*cough* Dunkin Donuts *cough* *cough*) usually makes it go back to its Jello-y state.  I'm pretty sure if I do John's ab workout every day for the next four weeks, my abs are going to be very steel-like.  In fact, I may just turn into one of those morons who goes around asking people to punch them in the stomach.  And if you knew me at age 24 . . . . you might just want to.

  Like I said, I did not magically learn how to do the human flag in four days.  But I'll let Bruce Lee explain why I needed/wanted to focus on it:

 A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.

 - Bruce Lee

Ask me about the human flag in a couple months.  If I can do it, I think I've earned a salute. 

 

33 ways to spoil yourself for $20 or less aka ME GIFTS

Fun fact about my mom's house: There is an plethora (who says you don't use SAT words in real life!) of magazines to assist in my procrastination from doing pretty much anything. The other day I found myself thumbing through an old issue of Shape magazine with Lauren Conrad on the cover. If you don't know who Lauren Conrad is:

                            1. Like, ohmigod! Like, where have you been for, like, the past 4 years?
                            2. She is famous for acting singing um. . . .
                                being herself on camera on the now defunct reality show, The Hills

Anyways, Miss Conrad said that the when she needs motivation to go to the gym she simply goes out and buys a brand new workout wardrobe.**  Now, if I had a spare $500 - who are we kidding, a pair of pants at lululemon (www.lululemon.com) costs $100, so a new wardrobe would be more like $1000 - a  month to spend on cute workout pants and tank tops, I'd probably be skipping my happy butt to the gym too.  But not because I had new (overpriced) outfits, but because I had a spare $1000!  Unfortunately, I do not receive paychecks from:  reality shows, movie cameos, BOOK DEALS (Don't get me started on that one. The envy and contempt might build up and cut off my circulation), endorsement deals or clothing lines.  Thus, going out and reenacting the shopping scene from Pretty Woman (but in the Nike Store) is tragically, freakin' impossible.

  Reading this article happened to coincide with me accidentally weighing myself earlier in the day.  Now I say "accidentally" because it was not planned and if I hadn't literally tripped (How coordinated are you first thing in the morning?) over the scale, I wouldn't have weighed myself for a few more weeks.  But the scale was right there, so I weighed myself and LO AND BEHOLD - I've lost 10 lbs. so far!!!!!! I got to thinking about ways that I can keep myself motivated/ treat myself for a job well done within MY budget (not L.C's) ~ which is about $20: a $20 "Me Gift".  So, since I have NO LIFE these days, I took it upon myself to go to a few stores (TJ Maxx, Ross, World Market, Pier 1 Imports, etc) and write down some ideas for ways you can treat yourself for $20 or less that can either motivate you to go to the gym or symbolize some small accomplishment you've made by going.

 Oh yeah, I didn't want to include anything food related because I'm trying to get away from the idea of using food as a reward or punishment.  That's what got me in this predicament in the first place.  I've been using food in the same way a cutter uses a sharp object for far too long.  So you can put food on your $20 "ME GIFT" list, but it's staying off of mine.  I've come too far to revert to bad habits. 

So here's a few ideas for some $20 "Me Gifts". Go out and spoil yourself!

1. New workout pants ~ $12.99 ~ TJ Maxx
2. 15 new music downloads from iTunes ~ $19.35 (assuming you get the $1.29 download. What happened to the .99 downloads? Aren't you rich enough Steve Jobs????)
3. 1 Year subscription to magazine (Shape, Cosmo, Men's Health, etc)  ~ approx. $15.00 (O Magazine is $18 - but she can do that because she's Oprah)
4. Yoga Mat ~ $10.99 ~ TJ Maxx (fun designs and colors!)
5. Used copy of Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill ~ $7.50 ~  Amazon (if you have not read this book, BUY IT!!! It's about have a richer, fuller life. . . . not bank account!!)
6. Used copy of The Biggest Loser Cookbook: More than 125 Healthy Recipes Adapted from NBC's Hit Show ~ $5.00 ~ Amazon
7. Movie ticket ~ $11.00 +$ .30 banana + $2.67 edamame (so you aren't tempted with movie snacks) = $13.97
8. Used workout dvd (Examples: Bollywood Dance Workout, Pussycat Dolls Workout, Luscious: the Bellydance Workout) ~ approx. $7.99 - Amazon
9. Manicure AND pedicure  ~$18 (Impossible you say? Nope. Take advantage of the penny saver that comes in the mail.  I found THREE coupons for local nail salons that gave 20% - 30% discounts on mani/pedis)
10. 1 huge candle ~ $15 ~ Pier 1 Imports 
11. Mr. Bubbles ~ $4.65 ~ Walmart
12. decorative vases ~ $14.95 ~ Pier 1 (Instead of flowers, write a motivating quote on a piece of paper, put the paper on a stick and "plant" in vase.  You have a motivating bouquet!)
13. Leather Journal ~ $12.19 ~ Walmart
14. Fresh cut flowers ~ $15.00 (put those by your bed! Really puts me in a good mood to wake up to fresh flowers) ~ Farmers Market
15. Gym/ Beach bag ~$14.50 ~ Old Navy
16. Flip Flops ~ $5.00 ~ Old Navy (new shower shoes after your hard workout!)
17. Sports bra ~$15.00 ~ Old Navy
18. Reusable, Steel H2O bottle ~ $5.00 ~ Old Navy
19. Pajama pants ~ $14.50 ~ Old Navy (If your day isn't made a little bit better by some cute pajama pants. . . tisk, tisk)
20. Super cute scarves for any season ~ $9.99 ~ World Market
21. Toss pillows ~$9.99 ~ World Market (congratulate yourself for snazzing up your body by snazzing up your house)
22. Picture frame ~ $5.00 ~ Ross (save the picture for when you achieve your goal!)
23. This one is exclusively for Ms. Liz Custer - - - - TEAM EDWARD STEEL WATER BOTTLE ~ $4.99 ~ Ross
24. Four 12oz mugs ~ $5.99 ~ Ross
25. Used camera ~ $19.00 ~ Amazon (Yes! USED CAMERA for under $20!!!)
26. Timex Sports Digital watch ~ $14.99 ~ Target (and it wasn't ugly, it was water resistant, and something else - - - I tuned out when the guy was talking)
27. Kiss My Face Cleansing Mask ~ $9.94 ~ CVS (Make a spa day at home! Also, I'm not advocating Kiss My Face brand.  It just happened to be the one I saw for $9.94 so don't get mad at me if you try it and don't like it)
28. Personalized cosmetic bag ~ $15.95 ~ http://www.personalizationmall.com/
29. Personalized golf ball set ~ $18.35 ~ http://www.personalizationmall.com/ (thought I forgot about the men-folk, didn't you?)
30. Relaxation cd ~ $10.18 ~ Target (+ Mr. Bubbles and that is a great night if you ask me)
31. Dry Erase Board for the fridge ~ $8.50 ~ Office Depot (write down your goals, your progress, the date that Glee comes back on TV!)
32. GEL BIKE SEAT ~ $11.99 ~ Target
33. Polka-dot terry towel wrap ~ $16.99 ~ Target (get ready in the locker room without having to worry about your towel falling and maybe/ possibly screaming in embarrassment)

Whew!!!! Ok, that's 33.  Since I just turned the big 3-3 last week, I feel that's a good number to stop on. 

Just a few ideas to show you that you don't need an entire new wardrobe to congratulate yourself on trying something new OR to motivate yourself to do it. 

Oh yeah, If anyone's wondering if I would "keep it real"  with $20 Me Gifts if/when I hit it rich, the answer is . . . .HELL TO THE NO SUCKAS!!! Right after I moved on up to the East Side to a deluxe apartment in the sky, I would hop on a private jet just to have lunch some country where only rich people seem to be allowed to go (Ibiza, St. Tropaz perhaps?).  And after a few months weeks days hours, when I had forgotten my old, simpleton life (where I had to - what's that word again?? Bu. . . Bu . .oh yeah! BUDGET) I'm sure I will think it normal to buy a brand new workout wardrobe every time I needed motivation to go to the gym . . . just like Lauren Conrad.



** Now of course, I can't find the issue with Lauren Conrad on the cover. It must have fallen behind something after I threw it across the room after having to read about her 3 book publishing deal.  But I think it was the January 2008 issue

Break Week!

Week 6: Break week!


   Since I have spent so much time recapping my personal drama, I've neglected to tell you about what happened last week, fitness-wise.  After 5 trainers (Larry, Jenn, Bryan, Jeramie, and Fabian) I was in need of a break from training sessions.  I am MUCH stronger and healthier than I was just a month ago but my body was screaming for a "time out".

  I didn't want to take the week off and do absolutely nothing.  I read somewhere that it takes FIVE weeks to make a habit.  That means that I've literally just made working out a habit.  It just started feeling more awkward to stay AWAY from the gym than to go.  I don't want to lose all of the mental progress I've made.  So, I decided to take advantage of some of the classes that the gym had to offer.

  The first one I wanted to try was RPM (aka Spin/ Cycling class). For those who don't know what it is, RPM/Spin/Cycle classes are cardio classes at gyms across the world where people get on stationary bikes, pedal like they're being chased by the Boogy Man even though they are headed nowhere, and sweat from every pore in their entire body. For fun. I've avoided those types of classes for 10 years.  While all of my friends at the Equinox Gym in NY (shout out to the Rique Uresti kickboxing crew! Ha-ay!!) were spinning their butts off (literally), I watched from the sidelines.  My issues with bikes (to review: I hear the Wicked Witch of the West music every time I pedal on a bike) kept me from trying it.  But I'm determined to take cycling OFF of the NGH list (See: http://www.kz-getfitordietryin.blogspot.com/2010/07/ngh.html) and try something outside of my comfort zone. 


   Plus, the gym owner's wife (who looks like a red-headed Barbie, by the way), said that she lost most of her pregnancy weight (She's popped TWO babies out of that perfect body) within the first month of returning to gym by adding Spin Classes into her workout regimen.  SOLD! Sign me up! 


   Starting a new aerobics class feels like starting a new school in January.  While you are new, no one else is. Everyone else knows each other and they know what they're doing.  It's so easy to want to slip out of the door and flee for the comforts of your car.  But it's only awkward for about 5 minutes. If you're ever in a new aerobics class, I highly encourage you to raise your hand say "I'm new! Can you help me?".  Especially if the objects used in such aerobics class have the potential to really bruise your Southern lady parts, if you get my drift (damn you bike seat. Damn you!!!).


  In my first spin class the instructor, Heather, taught me how to line up my bike so that it's the right height for me.  When you first sit on it, it ain't comfy.  I'll tell you that much.  But I will admit, the feeling does go away.  But I'm still going to invest in a gel seat for my bike.  Now, I've done more than my share of step classes and kickboxing classes but THIS workout is unreal.  It's not complicated in movements (no 8-counts, no grapevines) but It. Is. Tough.  My entire body was sweating.  I realize I'm behind in the times with this workout trend, but if you haven't tried it. .  .. try it three times.  It will take two times for your crotch to stop screaming at you so the third time is when you will really start enjoying it.  Plus, you can burn 400-600 calories in an hour! So far, I've taken class with Chris and Heather, both awesome.  I don't know if all people who take RPM/ Spin are like the people who take the class at my gym but folks (FOLKS?? Wow, I'm really picking up this Southern lingo) were whoopin' and hollarin' and supporting each other! It was like a big party! So much fun, that I almost forgot about my bruised lady parts. . . . almost.


   I also took a "Body Flow" class. Body flow is a blend of yoga, tai chi and Pilates.  I love me some Pilates.  When I was more financially care-free, I took Pilates at Pilates Plus in Hollywood (check it out if you're in Hollywood: http://www.pilatesplushbv.com/index.html)  but I've never been a Yogi.  I just can't bring myself to rest my body and mind long enough to get through a class.  Luckily, the movement in this class is faster than a typical yoga class.  It combined "adult contemporary" music (you know, like the kind of music you hear at the dentist) and no one was asking me to "meditate with my third eye" (Dear Yoga instructors across America: It is impossible to relax with you telling me I need to visualize a third eye in my head.  I do not care if this is spiritual and not literal.  It is nasty.  Please adjust your sessions accordingly. Love, Kai).  It was yoga moves to some up-beat music (Read: NO ENYA IN THE WHOLE HOUR!).  THIS I could handle. Did I mention the class was taught by my boss?? At first I was skeptical to take a class by the person who signs my paycheck (If I didn't do well, would she take away my new raise??) but I'm very happy that I went. Thanks Renee. Ummm . . . . If I say it was awesome like 100 more times, ya think I can get another raise?

   My Yogi LA friends have often told me that stretching the body can release pockets of energy that release emotions and out of nowhere you find yourself laughing or crying.  I don't know what the medical community thinks about this but WOW did that happen to me.  One moment I'm leaning back stretching my core, the next minute I'm getting choked up and trying to wipe my tears before anyone could see. They saw. It was like the popping of a huge, emotional zit (sorry . . . best analogy I could think of.  Sorry if you were eating).  All of the stress and emotion that's been building up in my personal life decided to manifest in the middle of class.  But, it's ok.  Clearly it needed to come out.  Cheaper than a therapy session THAT'S for sure!

  It has not escaped me that six weeks ago when my body was begging me for a change, it could have meant several things.  I don't think I could handle what I'm now going through (being newly single and all) without having some sort of outlet for my emotions.  It's as if my subconscious was trying to prepare me for this all along.  Now, since my subconscious is so intuitive I have one question I'd like to ask it: WHY WILL YOU NOT TELL ME SOME WINNING LOTTO NUMBERS!!!!!!!!

  I hope you will try something new this week, even if you're stressed or going through a hard time.  In fact, ESPECIALLY if you are stressed or going through a hard time.  I think that's a good note to end on.

I guess I earned my "over-dramatic" badge, but whatever

So the Cliff's Notes for my last post are as follows:

Act I: Relationship with boyfriend falls apart

Act II: Heroine (yours truly) & James Bond (world's BEST dog) move out of boyfriend's house and into her mother's house for the time being

Act III: Heroine still pursuing journey to become a stronger, healthier her she me (inside and out). . . or die tryin'.

   My first morning alone was strange.  Which is odd considering that I've lived by myself for the greater part of a decade.  But, it was eerily quiet.  Like, Right-before-Michael-Myers-pops-out-and-kills-the-dumb-bimbo-and-you-scream-and-spill-all-of-your-popcorn quiet. So quiet my own thoughts seemed to be a little bit too loud for me.

  All was going o.k. until I realized that my iPod battery was low and I needed to find my charger.  Normally, it would be on a table or in a drawer.  But because of the move, mine was in a box or a bag. It was a needle in a haystack.  And as I looked at all the boxes and bags in the hallway, I started to cry and got all Veruca Salt-ish:

                                             And if I don't get the things I am after
                                                     I'm going to scream!

 (I wasn't singing this out loud, but I was singing it in my head pretty awesomely AND on key, I must say). The missing charger was symbolic that everything was once again different.  The boxes and bags were symbols of the failure of a relationship.  I was overwhelmed with emotion and feelings of defeat.  Pardon me, perhaps you've seen my tail? Yeah it's me Eeyore.

   It was SO easy and tempting to dwell on what I didn't have and what I had lost.  But as I sat on the steps sobbing about my iPod. Yeah, I guess I earned my "over-dramatic" badge, but whatever! I suddenly burst out laughing.   I'm crying about a missing iPod charger?!?!?!? If I told this story to someone in a third world country, would they even know what an iPod was??? My cheeks got hot from embarrassment from my own self-pity.  I have a roof over my head, I have water to drink, and food to eat.  Tons of people would love to have to dig through boxes and bags of clothes and stuff to find an iPod charger.  Someone else can play hostess for this pity party, I need to run. Literally.  The voice inside of my head was telling me to get my butt on the tredmill and run.  And after thirty-THREEE (she said as she took a deep breath to keep from fainting.  How did I get this old???) years of ignoring the voice, I'm long overdue to start listening. So I wiped my tears and took a deep breath. And funny what you remember when you calm down. . . . FOUND THE CHARGER!

   Since I can't skip off to the gym for a morning workout, my mom's tredmill is going to be my new BFF. . . or enemy.  It's nothing fancy but it beats running outside.  Seriously NC, I don't know if I can handle this humidity much longer!

As I began to run, something strange happened.  I got this strange burst of energy on the tredmill. I ran longer and faster than I have in YEARS.  I realize you can't outrun your problems.  But for thirty minutes a day. . . . it's nice to try.  And it sounds cliche, but I felt better when I was done.  I mean my heart was about to leap out of my chest and my legs felt like Pb. Pb is Nerduguese for Lead. I studied the Periodic Table of elements for a whole freakin' month in 1993. I WILL use that information at any opportunity possible. So if you don't like it, you can just take some Kr or some Fe and stick it where the sun don't shine.  My eyes were red from tears coming out of them and sweat dripping in.  But I FELT better.  I couldn't help but think about something the great American philosopher, Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, said:

                             Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. 
                             Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't.  


   I'm not saying running fixed my problems.  But it did make them a little bit more tolerable for a few hours. And for now. . . . I'll take it. 

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B-day dinner: Salmon, broccoli, and brown rice. Thanx mom for lookin out!

Flowers bloom best when surrounded by a bunch of sh*t

   When I was living in LA, I took about four or five different acting classes. Its really a requirement if you live there, along with driving a hybrid and getting hair extensions (check and check).  There is no shame in my game in admitting that I was a HORRIBLE actor.  According to my teachers, I had a "wall" up and would not allow myself to be vulnerable in front of an audience.  Now, at the time, this information was received with a pretty huge eye roll and sigh on my part.  I mean, what sort of emotions are you supposed to express (besides contempt) during the acting exercise that requires you to repeat the phrase "red jacket" over and over and over AND OVER again?????** It was then that I determined that if I didn't like 1) acting classes 2) auditioning 3) filming 4) sitting through hair and make-up 5) watching myself on camera - - - - I probably didn't want to be an actor.

   But I have been thinking about the whole "allowing myself to be vulnerable" part the past few days.  With this blog, I'm trying to achieve healthier, stronger (emotionally and physically stronger) me.  It would be unfair of me to leave out some of the larger obstacles that I'm facing in my life.  It is with life's most difficult challenges that many of us turn to the comforts of Papa John, Mickey D, Mrs. Fields, Dr. Pepper, Ben, Jerry and the Almighty Cheese-it.  I would be leaving out a major part of my journey if I didn't share the all-too-real hardships in my life.  That's why I've had a problem with most celebrity endorsed meal plans over the years.  Well sure, if I had a couple million, a mansion, a hot husband, a book/movie deal, etc - dieting would be easy! It's hard to relate to people who seemingly have no other problems other than the fact that they need to drop some pounds.  So, I think it would be doing you a disservice if I didn't discuss some of the hurdles in my life.

   Deep breath. Here we go . . . 


   So, late last year I moved to NC from LA (West SIIIDE!!! that's how we say it on the mean streets of the Hollywood Hills) to be with my boyfriend.  The plan was to live together and eventually get married.  Well, it really wasn't all that long before I started to get the feeling that this wasn't right.  Without going into too much detail, he was hoping he could make me into the girl he wanted and probably vice versa.  When this old dog wasn't picking up that many new tricks (I think you officially reach "old dog" status around 30), we both started to resent each other. YOU CAN'T CHANGE A PERSON! YOU CAN'T CHANGE A PERSON! YOU CAN'T CHANGE A PERSON!! (Do you get that I'm trying to say that you can't change people?) In hindsight, this should have been the point where I packed up my things and left BUT I had sold/ given away everything I had to move to Raleigh.  I thought if he was important enough to move across the country and sell everything for, I should stick it out and keep trying.  We tried MANY times to make it work and had some fun times but it wasn't meant to be.  Unfortunately for me and my bank account as I will more than likely have to seek out therapy in the future. . . .

                                             Therapist: How are you feeling Kai?
                                             Me:  Like crap! 
                                             Therapist: Sorry to hear that.  That will be $100


things got ugly.  Words like "useless", "lazy", "stupid", "ugly" were thrown out.  Shouting matches became a daily (then almost hourly) ritual.  I used to fight and argue back. But the last few months, I stopped. . . and the words were only met with sobs. If you have stock in Kleenex, you're welcome, because I've been using quite a lot lately.  I never imagined that I would be THAT girl.  I used to scream at the TV when Meredith Baxter, Jaclyn Smith or Tori Spelling were in bad relationships in Lifetime Original Movies. "Girl, You need to kick him to the curb (snap)!" was a frequent one-sided conversation I had with the TV.  I never thought how complex relationships can be when you're in the thick of it.  Everyone thinks they're the exception, not the rule. The rule being: if a relationship was dead on Wednesday, it ain't comin back to life on Thursday. . . or Friday. .  . or next Wednesday! You know that's right girlfriend  (snap)! I'm both victim and villain, as is he.

   Eventually, things crumbled to the point of no return and YESTERDAY (the day before my 33rd birthday), out of the blue (incidentally when I was on my way to the gym), he called me and told me to leave.  Lucky for me, I'm not homeless - I'm staying with my mom who lives 40 minutes away.  Now, things have been bad the ENTIRE time that I've been keeping this blog.  Have you sensed any walls up? If not - - - HAHAHA acting teachers! Take that! I'm not the worst actress ever!  But, things are going to change pretty drastically from here on out adding an extra added challenge to my training and eating plan.  From now on, morning training sessions are out of the question.  My commute to the closest Rapid Fitness is now about 30 minutes.  Instead, each morning I'll be getting on my mom's tredmill while I scream at Elisabeth Hasselbeck on the View.  My training sessions will now take place either right before or right after work.

   Everything is going to require more planning, but it's not impossible.  What I'm learning from this is that nothing is impossible.  You simply may have to find another way of attacking the situation.

   You know what's funny, I'm not filled with hate about the whole situation.  Every second I dwell on the past, I'm taking attention away from improving my future.

   I'm not really worthy of dispensing life advice but I have learned this since I started writing this blog: If you open yourself up to the people around you, you will be amazed at all the love you receive back.  I know it's tempting to "cocoon" and put walls up but it's a pretty amazing feeling to open up to people, to be vulnerable.  Acting teachers: 1 Kai: 0

   If you are having a hard time in your life, know this:  Flowers bloom best when they're surrounded by a bunch of shit anyways! HA! Can I trademark that phrase??? 


  So today, on my 33rd birthday, I'm taking the day off from the gym and enjoying a healthy dinner with my nana and my mom.  Tomorrow is a new beginning.  I'm scared, but with some careful planning, I will be ready.

 Keep laughing and keep smiling (that's a reminder to myself as much as it is to you),

kai





** The most fundamental exercise in Meisner training is called Repetition ^[2]. Two actors face each other and "repeat" their observations about one another back and forth. An example of such an exchange might be: "You're smiling." "I'm smiling." "You're smiling!" "Yes, I'm smiling." Actors are asked to observe and respond to others' behavior and the subtext therein. If they can "pick up the impulse" — or work spontaneously from how their partner's behavior affects them — their own behavior will arise directly from the stimulus of the other. (aaaaaand EYE ROLL!)

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Aunt Flo: 1, Me:0. I'm about to tap out & retreat to bed for the rest of the day.

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Hello, Aunt Flo!!! Goodbye spin class that I wanted to go to this morning!!!

He's not just the "work-your-butt-off" president, he's also a client

Week 5 Trainer: Fabian
Location: North Ridge Rapid Fitness
Sessions: 4 (M/T/TH/F)


   It's been difficult for me to write my week 5 training summary because it was such a cool, eye-opening week and I wanted to give it justice.  Then I got anxiety about giving it justice and that led to a nap. . . . or 7.  But I'm not allowing myself to read Perezhilton.com until I finish, and I think I'm starting to get the shakes from withdrawal. So let's get to it, before I get all Whitney Houston on everyone.  Crack is Whack! Do you hear what I'm sayin', Diane? (Ok, wait - do you think she'll come after me one day for that? Sorry Whitney! I come in peace!)

  My week 5 trainer was Fabian.  Fabian is a fun, easy going guy who could easily give up personal training for a career as a professional model.  Seriously, this guy was made for the pages of GQ (if any talent scouts out there get any bright ideas after reading this, I want a finders fee!).  He is a competitive track and field star, originally from Barbados, who has trained alongside the world's best. His style is to train EVERYONE like an athlete.  If week 4 was my week to feel like GI Jane, week 5 was my week to feel like a collegiate or pro-athlete.  Which is a pretty awesome feeling for someone who was picked last for every P.E. activity since the great "You-can't-hunt-for-lady-bugs-in-the-middle-of-a-kickball- game!" debacle of 1985. By the way, I wasn't looking for lady bugs! I don't do bugs of any kind.  I was looking for four-leaf clovers, thank you very much. So there.

  Fabian started every session by asking how I was feeling emotionally and physically.  Should I bring up that I'm still a little down in the dumps about the fact that I will no longer be able to get my weekly fill of Dr. Jack Shepard and Hurley-isms on LOST ?  Probably not.  Most of his workouts utilized the medicine ball, the elastic bands and the kettle ball.  Even though I'm 5 trainers and over 10 training sessions in, Fabian did exercises that I've never seen before.  I couldn't help but wonder if somewhere Kobe, Brett Favre, and LeBron were doing the same exercises or if they were just taking a bath in all of their money a la Scrooge McDuck.

  When the burn kicked in from all of the insane core work (Insane, I tell you! IN-SANE!!), I tried to imagine myself as a female track star who can bend over in a sports bra without being afraid that someone will be  poke you in the gut and command, "Giggle!"  like you're the Pillsbury freakin' Dough Boy (that fear has kept me from the pool all summer).

  On day 2, when Fabian asked me how I was feeling, I complained of a little quad soreness (perhaps due to the 100 squats and lunges we did on day 1! I'd like to see you do all that Shaq!).  "Oh we can work on that!" he said and changed my workout right then and there.  Next thing I know, I'm doing these exercises with the medicine ball that really should be accompanied by someone whistling Sweet Georgia Brown! It was an exercise that was equal parts stretch and burn (kinda like yoga but with a medicine ball).  I was having so much fun pretending to be a Harlem Globetrotter and all the shenanigans I would get into on Gilligan's Island or Scooby-doo with the rest of the team, I barely noticed that the strain in my legs was gone and that I was sweating like a pig. Seriously Lady Mitchum Deodorant?? Epic FAIL!!!!

   Not only that, but when he put me on the tredmill afterwards, my stride was longer and bore a close resemblance to (Dare I say it?) the stride of a REAL athlete.  Allow me to be more specific with the word "athlete" since I recently learned that competitive eaters call themselves "athletes".  I mean people who sweat for their sport, not burp. That said. . . . Team Takeru Kobayashi!!! He's going to wipe the floor with you at next years hot dog eating contest, Joey "the Jaws" Chestnut!

  By session 4, I thought I was hot stuff. I am woman. . . hear me roar!!! Um . . . wrong. Apparently sessions 1-3 were just a warm-up for #4.  Fridays with Fabian. Seriously, I might just be ready for the Olympic trials after this. It was THAT hard.  I can't even think of a witty analogy to express exactly how hard this session was!! Let me put it like this: If you work out with Fabian on a Friday, don't worry about being tempted to indulge in beer or wine over the weekend, because you won't be able to lift your arms high enough to get the glass to your mouth.  Seriously! Sidenote: Guess who has two thumbs and did THREE sets of pull-ups! THIS GIRL!!!!

   One thing to note about Fabian. After he trains his clients in the afternoon (and works as a strength and conditioning coach to a local football or basketball team in the morning) he puts himself through the same rigorous workout as his clients.  There have been many late nights when aside from myself and James Bond (what? you don't bring your dog to work with you?), Fabian is one of the last to leave. He's not just the "work-your-butt-off" president, he's also a client.

  He studies the human body not just because it's his job as a trainer but because as an athlete, when the difference between first and last place is a fraction of a second, how you train can make all the difference. And I get to reap the benefits of all the knowledge he's accumulated over years of training! Woo-hoo! 

   I've been thinking back on how much money and time I've wasted spent on buying drinks ("like Mike, if I could be like Mike! I wanna be, I wanna be like Mike"), clothes (don't get me started on how I begged for a "Bo Knows" shirt), shoes, even watching cartoons (ProStars starring Mike, Wayne and Bo. You know you watched it too so shut it) that featured my favorite athletes in efforts to absorb their abilities and be more like them: faster, stronger . . . . better.  Did it work? ummmm, no.  Like I said, this girl was picked last (even after the class nose picker) in P.E. class games.  But now, I have the tools to really train like them.  I dare you to pick me last for kickball now, suckas!

   NOW I'm going to read me some perezhilton.com.  I don't think I've ever gone this long without my celebrity gossip.  I think I have the cold sweats.

.98 cent snackSSS

I walked into the grocery store with the money I found in my cupholder -  98 cents.  What do you do if you don't even have a dolla ("r" left off for coolness)?

McDonald's can barely even help you then!!! But fear not!!! The grocery store can indeed come to your aid. All while keeping it healthy too!!!

option 1: 1 medium banana  = 30 cents!!!!!(.59 cents a lb) 
http://hubpages.com/hub/Health-Benefits-of-Eating-Bananas

option 2: 1 peach* = 24 cents!!!!! (.49 cents a lb)
http://hubpages.com/hub/Health_Benefits_of_Peach


option 3: 1 sweet potato* = 70 cents!!! (.99 a lb)
http://hubpages.com/hub/Health_Benefits_of_Sweet_Potato

option 4: 1 cucumber = 89 cents!!!!
http://hubpages.com/hub/Health_Benefits_of_Cucumber

option 5: 1 apple* = 47 cents!!!! ($1.27 a lb)
http://hubpages.com/hub/appleshealthbenefits


After limping around the store for a bit, I discovered a dime in my shoe.  $1.08!! Somebody get me a Bentley and a bottle of Cristal!!! Somebody be ballin' now!!!!  I decided to do a 2nd experiment to see if I could MAKE something with any two items.  I chose: a banana and a sweet potato


I baked the sweet potato.  I'll wait for you to stop laughing. Yes, I baked. Even I could do it without ruining it:
a) preheat to 350
b) poke holes in it
c) put some olive oil on the outside
d) bake for around 55 minutes

When my sweet potato was nearly ready,  I took the banana, sliced it, added about 3 tablespoons of cinnamon applesauce that I had (that may or may not have been stolen from a small child's lunchbox) and stuck that in the microwave for 5 minutes. Then made it a little mushy.  Not too mushy though.  I have food consistency issues.

I put the banana/ applesauce mixture inside the sweet potato (like I used to do w/ bacon, chives, etc on my regular potato) and. . . . YUM!!!!!! a good-for-you snack (kind of a dessert actually) for exactly $1.08 (including tax)

(a small fry at McDonald's is $1.07 I think and NO ONE gets full off of that)

Just a reminder that just because you're po' ( the "-or" left off for coolness), you can still eat healthy.

 * = try produce that says "locally grown".  It is usually cheaper! 

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I survived! Lady parts in tact....but sore!

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Spinning combines two of my least favorite things: bikes and sweating. Countdown 40 min

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I'm putting it out there: I'm going to take a Spin class today. Officially terrified

I can not be trusted

Week 5


    Well, let's start of with some good news: My car is clean (for the most part)!!!! Hooray!  It only took me three or four weeks to follow through, but I did it!!! Now for the bad news: my assignment two weeks ago was to read a book.  Um . . . . I haven't read a page. So, it stays on the list.

   This week my meeting with Dr. Josh took an interesting turn.  He started by looking at my food journal and asking me how I felt.  Lately, I've been feeling pretty darn good:  I'm getting up earlier, my skin's looking pretty good.  I mean, I still haven't won the lotto or anything but as far as my health goes, I'm feeling A-OK. That is, until he tells me that we're going to work BREAD back into my diet.  Wait. . . What? Come again!! I can't.  I can't do that.  I can't be trusted with it.  Addicts can't be trusted to use their drug of choice in moderation, why should I ? I am a carb addict.  I don't think I can be trusted with it without turning into Animal from the Muppets.  I'm not going to lie, I'm scared.

    There have been sad moments in my past where I've eaten an entire loaf of bread in ONE day.  ONE. DAY.  In fact, my very first diet when I was 16 consisted of only eating bread for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I lost weight (for about a week) and thought that I had found the secret (Sad, but true).  When bread wasn't on my list of acceptable foods it was a lot easier to avoid the aisles b/c it was forbidden and it was against the rules.  It will be a lot harder to turn my back on the aisle simply because I CHOOSE not to go down it.  I don't want the choice! I don't think I'm strong enough to make the right one!

  Dr. Josh picked up on my nervousness and suggested that I try bread for one day and one day only and see what happens.  Ok, one day.  I think I can handle that.  Let's hope so.  On the bright side, if I fail, maybe I'll pick up the ability to play the drums like a maniac.

Hooah

Week 4
Trainer: Jeramie
Location: Glenwood Rapid Fitness


There is only one way to start this post: ATTENNNN-TION!!!

  After three weeks of training, I thought I was getting the hang of the training thing. Ummm . . . enter Jeramie to prove me wrong.  Jeramie believes in 4 sessions a week and full-body workouts every time.  Hooah*.

The first minute of the first session started out with squats.  After four he stops me and tells me my hip flexors are stiff.  Who is this dude, the Body Whisperer? He could tell after four squats? Thanks to a box of hair dye, there are a few moments every morning that I forget that I am not the young, flexible, smartass cheerleader I once was.  Thanks to Jeramie, I was reminded how my body had betrayed me and dared to get old on me.  I'm not gonna lie, when he told me that I needed to work on my flexibility, I got a little choked up.  My nickname used to be "pretzel".  Flexibility was never a problem for me.  But, the repercussions of late night of movie watching and sedentary living were surfacing once again.

  After about 10 minutes, the whine was in full effect. "My hands hurt. My legs burn. I caaaaann't!" I looked up. No mercy. He looked like he'd never heard anyone whine before. Who's he training? Who doesn't whine during push-ups with weights??  Every time he commanded that I get lower in my squats, lunges, or push-ups I had to fight the urge to shout "Yeeees, Drill Sergeant!!!" in my best Forrest Gump voice.  Hooah

  I couldn't count.  I couldn't spell.  I could only concentrate on not throwing up or passing out.  Tint my sweat red and put some instrumental rock in the background b/c I am officially Gatorade commercial worthy.  I realized that I am fast becoming one of the most annoying types of pests at a gym.  I am becoming the "sound effects girl".  Grunting, crying, whining are all part of my go-to monologue.  Clearly, I have hung my pride on the wall next to my keys, but I can't help it.  Whining is all I can do to keep from dying - or at least that's what it seems like.  I have regressed from being Hilary Banks to Steve Urkel.  "Oww. . . that hurts!" "Did I do that?" 

  Jeramie clearly practices what he preaches.  "Fit" is not quite the word for him.  His muscles have muscles.  His shirt sleeves must wince in pain every morning from being stretched to the limit.  I am working muscles I didn't know I had.  And all in 30 minute sessions.  As much as I want to curse him for the experience, I can't. Because in the days since our sessions: 10 lb. weights don't feel as heavy as they used to, I can do 7 tricep pull downs (without whining), and 2 UNASSISTED pull-ups.

  If you're ever feeling like you're stuck in a fitness rut or you've plateaued or something . . . go see Jeramie.  He will show you exercises that will indeed bring the Urkel out of you.  Hooah.

  I gotta say, after four weeks of training, I am feeling stronger, faster, and more energetic.  I still don't think you can tell really on the outside (I was humbled just this morning by looking at my reflection.  The rolls have not left the building) .  But I definitely am hearing the Six Million Dollar Man sound effect when I run. I am indeed being "rebuilt", one trainer at a time. Hooah.

And now, for your listening pleasure:




*Hooah (pronounced /ˈhuːɑː/) is a U.S. Army battle cry used^[1] by soldiers "Referring to or meaning anything and everything except no."

Every day is not rainbows and butterflies

  Sometimes I lose sight of what I'm trying to do here.  I'm trying to show my STRUGGLE and my JOURNEY to get back into shape.  I don't want to make it seem effortless like some people (yeah, I'm looking at you Marie Osmond) because it's not.  Every day is not rainbows and butterflies.  Some days are easy and some are frustrating and hard.  Just because I'm starting a journey and attempting to better myself inside and out, doesn't mean I've been granted an umbrella shielding me from of life's rainy days. I am not immune from a bad day. There will be those days where one minute I'm a happy-go-lucky kid in a Letterman's jacket and the next I'm an evil, dancing and singing zombie (If you don't get that and you are over the age of 27, shame on you).

  The other day, I had one of those rainy days. Tears were shed and noses were blown.  Nothing traumatic, just a bad day.  My first instinct was to go straight to the pantry, declare "Pity Party 2010" officially ON, and hang out with my friends: Chips, Cookies and Candy. But, much to my surprise, I didn't reach for anything.  I just stood there.  As quickly as Ms. Hyde made her greedy, glutinous appearance - Dr. JeKAIll (get it?) reappeared to scream PUT THE COOKIES DOWN AND WALK AWAY!!!!


  Walking away wasn't easy.  But how was crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry's going to make anything any better? Instead, I turned to my journal and wrote until my hand hurt then took a hot shower.  Being an emotional eater since the early-90s, it's hard not to feed my feelings. It's been a go-to strategy since the days of Brenda and Dylan (Pre- Dylan and Kelly, Kelly and Brandon, Brandon and Emily, etc)

 When I was four-years-old, and I watched Cookie Monster feed his feelings it was cute and it was funny (Thanks PBS for teaching reading, mathematics, and gluttony by the way).  At 30-blahblahblah years old, using food to cope with just about everything isn't so funny and I'm pretty positive it is not at all cute.  I need to rewire my habits.  I can't rid myself of bad days, but I can adjust how I deal with them.

"We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails" - Dolly Parton

$4.04 Meal

Anytime I see some pretty cheap items in the grocery story that together would make a pretty great meal, I'm going to post my findings.  The goal is to inspire you to avoid the drive through window!! You CAN find something healthy, filling and edible for the price of a McDonalds Value Meal.



$2.79 ground chicken
$1.25 steam fresh veggies (carrots, watercress, broccoli)
______

$4.04 (plus tax)


The ground chicken made about 3 decent sized chicken burger patties.  The package of veggies was a 4 serving (really 2 serving in my opinion) package.  I didn't use any fancy seasonings, just Mrs. Dash.

It was YUMMY!!! AND enough food for lunch and dinner. 

Written all over my face

Week 4

  I'm just going to dive right into discussing my weekly meeting with Dr. Josh b/c frankly, it's just too darn hot to beat around the bush (are you KIDDING me with this humidity?!?!?!)

  During my last meeting with Dr. Josh, he looked over my food journal and asked me how I was feeling.  Aside from sweating like a pig, I've been feeling pretty good lately.  No crazy cravings.  I was "thisclose" to a big pile of onion rings and I didn't want one.  He asked me if I've noticed any changes yet.  Because I just can't bring myself to get on the scale yet, I don't have any lb. changes to report.  I haven't had the guts to try on my jeans yet (I don't want to be disappointed and frustrated if they don't fit over my thighs yet) so I don't have any changes to report there.  But there is one thing that's changed ginormously. . . . MY SKIN.

  I have never had problem skin. It wouldn't be right for me to sit here and boo-hoo like I was worthy of being the "before" picture in a Proactiv commercial.  But, over the past year, my skin has started to look dull, bumpy, and gray.  I had come to the advanced scientific conclusion that clogged pores and the occasional fairly frequent blackhead were my karma for being gossipy in high school (Ok fine. . . . being gossipy until I was 29).

  But lately, my skin has started to glow (not comic book "I fell in a vat of hazardous waste" glow. . . but glow).  I haven't invested crazy amounts of money into face washes, scrubs or moisturizers.  I use Purpose soap and some generic moisturizer from Target.  But my skin hasn't looked this good in ages. Even more than when I could afford $120 facials every two weeks and $100 moisturizers. Turns out my skin was trying to tell me something all along.  The clogged pores and dull complexion were hints of how cruel I was treating my body by eating Chik-fil-A morning, noon and night and not drinking enough water.  My body's distress signal was literally written all over my face. It's possible that the signal was written in braille my skin was so bumpy. But I don't need an expert to tell me that my skin was P.O'd at me.

  Think about that if you're spending a ton of money on creams, facials, scrubs, etc.  EATING HEALTHY IS THE ULTIMATE BEAUTY SECRET.  If you can't afford the beauty regime of the rich and famous, that's ok.  Doesn't mean that the fantastic results will elude you just because you (or I) can't invest $3680 a year

($120 facials x 2 a month x12)
+ $600 in various products throughout the year
+ $200 face brush =

 my 2007 spendings on skincare related products and services.  Shall we all wince in unison? Aaaand. . . go.

 Try a month of eating super healthy and upping your water intake and see what happens.  It's definitely cheaper and less traumatic that sitting through pore extractions (by a large woman who had garlic and liver for lunch) during a facial. 

  I'm not saying all of the fancy products are bogus BUT you may not need fancy products to get the results you're looking for.  What's the worst that could happen if you try eating healthy to achieve better skin experiment anyways?? You'll save money??? You'll have more counter space in the bathroom than you ever dreamed from throwing out all the unnecessary face creams, gels, etc??  Like a lot of other aspects of this journey that I'm on I'm finding that improvement begins from the inside.  Why should skincare be any different?

Warning: If the idea of getting carded to buy lotto tickets is just too much, you may not want to try this experiment.  Looking younger can be such a hassle sometimes


One final note: I am not saying that getting facials is completely unnecessary. One of my best friends in LA is an amazing esthetician and she does an amazing job with people's skin.  I AM saying that if you take care of yourself nutrition wise, you'll find that you won't have to get "the works" when/if you DO get a facial. You can go for the "relaxation" facial instead of the "problem skin" facial that involves poking, squeezing, wincing and tears .  Imagine being the person that is the envy of everyone else in the spa because you have such amazing skin.  You might find yourself the subject of some gossip - What's her secret?? I heard she washes her face with dolphin poop! I heard she sleeps in a hyperbolic chamber! I heard she has a painting of herself in an attic that ages but she doesn't!  But don't look to me to participate in the gossip. . . I've kicked that habit for the most part  sometimes kind of. 

Wonder if they have lifting gloves with Hello Kitty on them?

Week 3: Training Summary
Location: Glenwood Ave. Rapid Fitness
Trainer: Bryan W.

  Yeah, yeah. . . I'm 5 days behind with this post.  Blame it on the rain (. . . that was fallin', fallin'! ) or something. So, Week 3 I was assigned to Bryan W. who trains from the Glenwood location.  Woo-hoo! This location is closer to my house, which means 10 extra minutes of snoozing before 9am sessions!

  On our first day of training, I find out that Bryan's wife gave birth FIVE days prior.  There he was, a sleep deprived new dad and he was smiling and ready to go.  I, on the other hand, could hear my pillows calling me from the gym and was ready to go back to bed.  I tried my best to weasle out of working out.

   KZ: "Oh wow. You know. . . we can do this another time if you want.
            I'm sure you want to go home and be with the baby"
  BW: "Nope. Let's get going!"

Drat. And so it began. . .

Bryan's training philosophy is to train 3x's a week: One day for lower body, one day for core, one day for upper body.

Day 1: Lower Body

TEN minutes into my session and I'm already whining. 

    KZ: "It BURNS! My legs are BURNING!"
   BW: "Yup. That's the lactic acid building up in your muscles. That means it's working"
   KZ: "I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT!!! I think I should stop!!"

Note: I'm not stupid enough to really get lactose and lactic confused.  But friends, I would have done an-y-thing to stop the burn. Anything. One thing is absolutely clear: downhill skiing is nowhere in my future.  Not that it is was really on the list of things I was dying to try, but remaining in a skiers squat for more than 5 seconds is my idea of punishment.  Lindsey Vonn, you are a superhuman freak.

   Next we moved on to wall sits.  Friends, I have a longstanding relationship with wall sits.  Once, when I was a little college cheerleader, we were doing wall sits for our conditioning and I sliced my elbow on a metal outlet cover and had to go get stitches and a shot and I was THRILLED because it meant I got out of the wall sits.  There I was bleeding profusely and I was happy.  THAT is how much I hate wall sits.  I began to spell (See entry: Counting is so 2009) the name of every friend I have every had in my life: J-U-L-I-E,  R-E-N-E-E,  K-A-R-E-N, J-E-N-N, J-E-N-N-Y, -J-E-N-N-I-F-E-R (Wow, do I know a lot of Jenn's or what!).  After a more names, I couldn't even speak.  The burn was winning.  After a few seconds of silence Bryan asked:

     BW: Who's name are you spelling now?
     KZ: G-O-D

  If life was fair, one wall sit would be all it would take to get legs like Jennifer Aniston.  But alas, it is not.  But I did it!  I didn't quit!! I cried and I whined (I may have even screamed), but I did not quit!
 
   At the end of session 1, Bryan instructed me to do 20 minutes of cardio.  But before I could take one step towards my beloved Precor 100i, he said that I need to do the Stairmaster to complete the lower body workout. Now, if you did not just think to yourself, "Oh! That poor girl! What has she done to deserve that?!?" then clearly you do not know what a StairMASTER is. 

THIS is a Stairmaster:

    I tried everything to get out of it.

      KZ: "I'm scared of heights!"
      BW: "It's about 2ft. high. Get on"
      KZ: "I have vertigo."
      BW: "What's that?"
        **** Crickets ****
      KZ: "I am morally and ethically opposed to anything with the word 'master' in it"
      BW: "Get on."
   

    I stopped for a break every 5 minutes.  And I was on a low speed!  But if a machine can make even your forearms sweat after 5 minutes, it must be working.  And I have to admit, my buns felt a bit more steel-ish after I got off. 

   Day 2: Core

Act I.

        BW: "Now you're gonna go in a Wonder Woman position and lift your arms and legs like you're flying"
        KZ: "Technically, Wonder Woman didn't fly.  She sat in an invisible jet.  So, can I just practice sitting?"
        BW: "No."

Act II.

       KZ: "How many more do I have to do?"
       BW: "Go until I say stop"
       KZ: "But I need to know what to spell!"
       BW: "Go for the alphabet"

Act III.

      KZ: "You know, I totally understand if you want to stop and go home to your . . . "
      BW: "No.  Keep going"
      KZ: ". . . baby"
      KZ attempts fake tears for sympathy.  It is not successful.

Day 3: Arms

     KZ: "I can't lift anymore"
     BW: "Yes, you can"
     KZ: "I caaaaaannnnnnn'ttttt" (whining really is an artform if done correctly)
     BW: "Just try it"

   I did it !!!!! Success!!!! Screaming "King Kong ain't got nothin' on me!" is considered.  Then reconsidered.  
   My arms feel like Gumby and I have BLISTERS.  BLISTERS!!!! I haven't had blisters since my monkey bar days. I have my first official war wound from all of this. Guess it's time to get lifting gloves. You know the people in the gym who have lifting gloves.  They are usually the badasses.  Woo-hoo! I'm on my way to being a badass. Wonder if they have lifting gloves with Hello Kitty on them?
   One of the great things about Bryan is that he is an educator and a nurturer.  Maybe it's that dad instinct going into overdrive but every exercise came with a mini-lesson.  I learned what muscle group I was working, why I was working it, and how it will help me in everyday activities. I wonder if he could show me some exercises to do in preparation for the semi-annual sale at Fred Segal.  Just try to take those leggings out of my hand THIS time actress-who-shall-not-be-named, Just try! I'll get you my pretty! Muah-hahahahaha!

   I have to say that Bryan gives a whole new meaning to the word dedication.  Five days into fatherhood and he's back, giving me his full attention.  If he can make it in, then I really don't have any excuse.  I'm going to try to remember that every time I try to convince myself  that a new episode of America's Next Top Model is reason enough to not go to the gym.